Ambulance Chasers Fantasy Sports: WEEKLY REVIEW: WEEK 8

1) Matchups

THE AMBULANCE CHASERS vs LEG SWEEPERS
Chasers lose a heartbreaker
119.35-117.95
Team Stars
Chasers: Brian Westbrook (38.90)
Sweepers: Anquan Boldin (30.30)

GFY. GF all of you.

Shockingly, the Patriots found another way to screw me - I had to pick up Jason Elam and play him over Gostkowski. Elam got 2 points, Gostkowski got 11. Im a fucking idiot.

LT auditioning for the final scene in "The Patriot"

SK WARRIORS vs. THE GOODFELLAS
GOODFELLAS manage to... win... a game? Really?
136.35-124.55
Team Stars
Warriors: Frank Gore (22.90)
Fellas: LT (28.00)

Ugly. I have nothing to say about this travesty of a game either.

Yes, its true... I mostly use these pictures to imply
players on other teams are gay.

THE STRATT MEN vs. THE DONKEY PUNCHERS
Punchers get a cheap win
128.40-110.05
Team Stars
Men: Santana Moss (29.00)
Punchers: Tony Gonzalez (19.90)

Way to start Reggie Bush, Ben. Ben's two RBs to play Joe were Reggie Bush and TJ Duckett! SOMEHOW Duckett got 6.10. Almost foiled Joe and Ben's plans.

At this time Id like to remind everyone that Ben traded Joe Earnest Graham for Muhsin Muhammed last year... singlehandedly giving him the championship. Shame on you two.

P.S. If people stopped texting me asking where the review was I might not be such a dick reviewing their games. Might. At least on weeks where I dont lose bullshit games to Rice.

Who...?

THE BROWN B-RADS vs. TTB
Brad continues spreading his crapulence all over the fantasy landscape
113.15-92.35
Team Stars
B-Rads: Donnie Avery (28.30)
TTB: Lance Moore (21.00)

Brad must have a horshshore next to the dildo up his ass. Jason Witten gets injured after 1.80 points. Gay. Put up 113 points again next week Brad. I dare you.

Drew Brees in college

StS vs. THE SPREAD EAGLES
Spread Eagles all but eliminates Mike
135.45-117.40
Team Stars
StS: Dallas Clark (28.40)
Eagles: Drew Brees (28.95)

Just looking over Pat's team I noticed that only his TE and QB put up his points in winning efforts. The rest of his players lost this week. Weird. It happens, though.

If I ever meet Lee Evans he is a fucking dead man. I hope you enjoyed your three year hibernation on my rosters, asshole.

RI COLTS vs. JGR
Wonder Woman wins another game
149.95-73.05
Team Stars
Colts: Jerricho Cotchery (19.20)
JGR: Roddy White (31.30)

Tom: have you considered prayer? Seriously, though, start focusing on Fantasy Basketball. This was one of the biggest train wreck seasons Ive seen. Did it feel like 8 weeks of falling down stairs? Even more troubling is that this will be Tom's last fantasy football season as a free man. Good luck preparing next season, pal. This may have been your best, last chance. You might want to also clear your mind completely and do the opposite of what everyone else thinks is logical. This is called the Sweeney method. If you do this no amount of wifey nagging or lack of preparation can ruin your fantasy efforts.

John: I was very wrong about your terrible team and terrible Roddy White. Please stop.

Lav Coles: Too stupid to go to a real college

THE BREASTS vs. THE SPANK IT BOYZ
Terry crushes George's hopes
130.30-100.45
Team Stars
Breasts: Andre Johnson (25.30)
Boyz: Lav Coles (20.00)

Ouch! Warrick Dunn! Ive said it before and I'll say it again: You cant win starting Warrick Dunn. I dont know what youre trying to prove. All that matters is "W's" and "L's."

If it makes you feel better George, Pat was remarking how unlucky youve been at poker this week. Also, I too hate fantasy football. The difference is I will be making the playoffs.

This notorious gambler won a World Series with the Phillies
...and then lost it all betting on the Rays in 08.
The fact he allowed himself to be photographed like this is
one more reason he deserves his lifetime ban.

2) Bets

-CASALI LIQUORS CUP

A conference style competition, for anyone who works or who has worked at Casali Liquors. Wager amount TBD. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Casali Cup teams. If two teams tie the tiebreaker will be who won when the tied teams met head to head.

2-0 StS
1-1 Beasts
0-0 Ambulance Chasers
0-2 RI Colts

Past Winners:
2007: RI Colts
2006: Ambulance Chasers

-CHAMPIONS CUP

A conference style competition, for past winners of the CFFL Championship. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Champions Cup teams.

1-0 Donkey Punchers
0-0 Brown B-Rads
0-1 Ambulance Chasers

It is the inaugural season for the Champions Cup

Big match this week!

Congrats to the 2008 World Champion Philadelphia Phillies!

3) Heroes

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
149.95 - JGR vs. RI Colts

MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
38.90 - Brian Westbrook

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
168.05 - Spread Eagles vs. SK Warriors (Week 7)
157.45 - Brown B-Rads vs. SK Warriors (Week 2)
151.60 - SK Warriors vs. Breasts (Week 6)
149.95 - JGR vs. RI Colts (Week 8)
149.40 - Brown B-Rads vs Beasts (Week 4)
147.35 - Breasts vs. SK Warriors (Week 6)
146.80 - Ambulance Chasers vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 2)
146.35 - Leg Sweepers vs. StS (Week 2)
140.95 - Ambulance Chasers vs. Spank It Boyz (Week 5)
138.25 - SK Warriors vs. RI Colts (Week 3)
139.65 - Stratt Men vs. Spank It Boyz (Week 7)
137.90 - Donkey Punchers vs StS (Week 1)
136.35 - GOODFELLAS vs SK Warriors (Week 8)
136.00 - Stratt Men (Week 3)

MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
188.15 - Drew Brees - Spread Eagles
182.70 - Phillip Rivers - Brown B-Rads
162.70 -Marion Barber - JGR
160.95 - Kurt Warner - Leg Sweepers
160.70 - Aaron Rodgers - GOODFELLAS
158.00 - Frank Gore - SK Warriors
155.50 - Jay Cutler - StS
155.10 - Clinton Portis - Spank It Boyz
145.20 - Andre Johnson - Breasts
142.15 - Brett Favre - StS

4) Stars

STARS OF THE WEEK (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)

STAR #1: 38.90 - Brian Westbrook - Ambulance Chasers
STAR #2: 31.30 - Roddy White - JGR
STAR #3: 30.30 - Anquan Boldin - Leg Sweepers

STAR LEADERS (Most stars at the end of of the season is the MVP)

10 Andre Johnson

7 Brian Westbrook
7 Marion Barber

6 Anquan Boldin
6 Brandon Marshall
6 Michael Turner

5 Lav Coles
5 Steven Jackson
5 Larry Johnson

4 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah
4 Greg Jennings
4 Clinton Portis
4 LT
4 Roddy White

3 Drew Brees
3 Reggie Bush
3 Lance Moore
3 Mewelde Moore
3 Santana Moss
3 FWP

2 Bernard Berrian
2 Correll Buckhalter
2 Plaxico Burress
2 Jerricho Cotchery
2 Donald Driver
2 DeSean Jackson
2 Brandon Jacobs
2 Thomas Jones
2 Larry Fitzgerald
2 Frank Gore
2 Adrian Peterson
2 Aaron Rodgers
2 Hines Ward
2 LenDale White

1 Donnie Avery
1 Steve Breaston
1 Ronnie Brown
1 Isaac Bruce
1 Antonio Bryant
1 Chris Chambers
1 Dallas Clark
1 Chris Cooley
1 Jay Cutler
1 Braylon Edwards
1 Tony Gonzalez
1 Marvin Harrison
1 Ike Hilliard
1 Vincent Jackson
1 Edgerrin James
1 Calvin Johnson
1 Chris Johnson
1 Marshawn Lynch
1 Darren McFadden
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Randy Moss
1 Phillip Rivers
1 Dominic Rhodes
1 Steve Smith
1 Fred Taylor
1 Kurt Warner
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Kellen Winslow
1 Jason Witten

5) Zeroes (players who started and scored no points)

Ben - Reggie Bush FUCKING RIDICULOUS BEN
Tom - Josh Morgan

6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)

George - Warrick Dunn
George - MJD
George - Big Ben
Tom - Jeff Garcia
Tom - Marvin Harrison
Tom - Cedric Benson
John - JT O'Sullivan
Mike - Plaxico Burress
Brad - Derrick Mason
Brad - Brandon Jacobs
Vinny - Hank Baskett
Vinny - Jonathan Stewart
Ben - TJ Duckett
Joe - Michael Turner
Steve - Ronnie Brown
Steve - Trent Edwards
Rice - Fred Taylor