WEEKLY REVIEW: WEEK 5

1) Matchups

THE AMBULANCE CHASERS vs SPANK IT BOYZ
Chasers win their fourth in row! Thanks for ruining the undefeated season, Pat...
140.95-89.70
Team Stars
Chasers: TJ Houshhjdafyomomma (27.50)
Boyz: Clinton Portis (23.80)

Looking good! 4-1 and second place. Two of my top three WRs(Holt and Cotchery) on byes? No problem! I plug in Domenik Hixon (21.70 BEFORE leaving at the half with a concussion) and Devin Hester (17.60).

You all suck.

SK WARRIORS vs. StS
SK Warriors win the closest game this week
102.10-100.55
Team Stars
Warriors: Larry Fitzgerald (24.20)
StS: Isaac Bruce (19.90)

Devestating loss for Mike. Vernon Davis must go! This is the price you pay; the risk you take when you hold onto guys like Davis even when its become clear they arent good. The game of fantasy football isnt about justifying your draft picks... its about wins and losses. And points. And trash talk. Mostly trash talk. I mean, who the hell even remembers who won last year?

Steve deserved the victory anyway. Trent Edwards got concussed after scoring only 0.90.

TTB vs. THE STRATT MEN
Stratt Men win the "Holy shit, does Ben have the best RBs - or am I just hyping him up in case I lose to him this week?" Bowl
129.40-115.60
Team Stars
TTB: Randy Moss (22.30)
Men: Bernard Berrian (23.00)

Nice win by Ben. Came down to MNF, and he was still down 14 or so when I looked in the 3rd quarter... then he started playing.

Ben is kind of scary good. I think he's a definite playoff team. He put up 130 points even though he got el zilcho from Santana Moss.


BROWN B-RADS vs. SPREAD EAGLES
Eagles go all INS on Brad's ass
116.40-93.75
Team Stars
B-Rads: Greg Jennings (18.70)
Eagles: Hines Ward (22.00)

93 points? This is the team we were all scared of? I knew Brad sucked cock. Now Scheffler is fucked up, too... Its a shame he's playing Jay next week...

Disturbingly, Pat has given the #1 and #2 teams their only losses on the year.

The future Mrs. Cooley - A Redskinnette! Cooley is the MAN

GOODFELLAS vs. LEG SWEEPERS
Sweepers sweep Fellas
128.10-100.05
Team Stars
Fellas: Aaron Rodgers (28.05)
Sweepers: Chris Cooley (24.90)

A nice, typical ~7 points from Rice's RBs.

NOT ANDRE Johnson

RI COLTS vs. THE BREASTS
Breasts smother the Colts
117.45-114.35
Team Stars
Colts: Donald Driver (16.40)
Breasts: Andre Johnson (28.10)

The Casali Cup will have a new home in 2008. Extremely painful loss... not only because of the Cup, but because 0-5 is one hell of a hole... and to have it come by 3 points... ouch.

Larry Johnson... 0.20 points... and the bastard claimed he knew this was coming because he expected the Panthers to stack the line against him. Tom would have appreciated if you had let him know that, LJ.

NOT MICHAEL Turner

JGR vs. DONKEY PUNCHERS
Rainbows violate Punchers
115.80-72.90
Team Stars
JGR: Rowdy Roddy White (27.20)
Punchers: Micheal Ike Turner (18.10)

That's a beat down. The gays are typically a clean and polite people, but when angered they can respond with overwhelming violence.


2) Bets

-CASALI LIQUORS CUP

A conference style competition, for anyone who works or who has worked at Casali Liquors. Wager amount TBD. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Casali Cup teams. If two teams tie the tiebreaker will be who won when the tied teams met head to head.

1-0 Beasts
1-0 StS
0-0 Ambulance Chasers
0-2 RI Colts

Past Winners:
2007: RI Colts
2006: Ambulance Chasers

Tom is eliminated. The next Cup matchup is week 7, where the co-leaders will face off.


-CHAMPIONS CUP

A conference style competition, for past winners of the CFFL Championship. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Champions Cup teams.

0-0 Ambulance Chasers
0-0 Donkey Punchers
0-0 Brown B-Rads

It is the inaugural season for the Champions Cup


-YANKEES
Mike sucks. Yankees suck. Arod sucks.


-NL EAST
John sucks. Mets suck. Yankees suck.

The Red Sox are the tits and this girl knows it

3) Heroes

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
140.95 - Ambulance Chasers vs. Spank It Boyz

MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
33.80 - DeAngelo Williams ON HIS BENCH!!
28.10 - Andre Johnson

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
157.45 - Brown B-Rads vs. SK Warriors (Week 2)
149.40 - Brown B-Rads vs Beasts (Week 4)
146.80 - Ambulance Chasers vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 2)
146.35 - Leg Sweepers vs. StS (Week 2)
140.95 - Ambulance Chasers vs. Spank It Boyz (Week 5) HOW DID I DO THIS WHEN THE HIGHEST SCORING PLAYER ONLY SCORED 33???
138.25 - SK Warriors vs. RI Colts (Week 3)
137.90 - Donkey Punchers vs StS (Week 1)
136.00 - Stratt Men (Week 3)
133.50 - JGR vs TTB (Week 2)

MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
42.15 - Ronnie Brown - SK Warriors (Week 3)
40.60 - Brandon Marshall - Beasts (Week 2)
38.45 - Brett Favre - StS - (Week 4) ON HIS BENCH!!
38.00 - Anquan Boldin - Leg Sweepers (Week 2)
37.80 - Reggie Bush - Stratt Men (Week 3)
36.80 - Larry Johnson - RI Colts (Week 4)
36.50 - Lav Coles - Spank It Boyz (Week 4)
36.10 - Jay Cutler - StS (Week 2)
35.60 - Michael Turner - Donkey Punchers (Week 1)
33.80 - DeAngelo Williams - JGR (Week 5) ON HIS BENCH!!
32.60 - TJ Houshmdhfkhehfagfdeh -Ambulance Chasers (Week 3)
31.80 - Willie Parker - RI Colts (Week 1)
34.30 - Brian Westbrook - Ambulance Chasers (Week 2)
32.85 - Phillip Rivers - Brown B-Rads (Week 2)
32.10 - Santana Moss - Stratt Men (Week 2)
31.60 - Kurt Warner - Leg Sweepers (Week 4)
30.90 - Aaron Rodgers - Leg Sweepers (Week 2)
30.90 - Calvin Johnson - Spread Eagles (Week 2)

MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
121.50 - Jay Cutler - StS
120.85 - Drew Brees - Spread Eagles
119.90 - Aaron Rodgers - GOODFELLAS
114.20 - Kurt Warner - Leg Sweepers
113.10 - Tony Romo - JGR
109.30 - Reggie Bush - Stratt Men
108.15 - Phillip Rivers - Brown B-Rads
105.30 - Frank Gore - SK Warriors
103.90 - Greg Jennings - Brown Nads
101.70 - Larry Fitzgerald - SK Warriors

4) Stars

STARS OF THE WEEK (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)

STAR #1: 28.10 - Andre Johnson - Beasts
STAR #2: 27.50 - Brandon Jacobs - Brown Nads
STAR #3: 27.50 - TJ Whosyomomma - Ambulance Chasers


STAR LEADERS (Most stars at the end of of the season is the MVP)

6 Brandon Marshall
6 Michael Turner

5 Andre Johnson
5 Larry Johnson

4 Anquan Boldin
4 Lav Coles
4 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah

3 Marion Barber
3 Reggie Bush
3 Greg Jennings
3 FWP
3 Clinton Portis
3 LT
3 Brian Westbrook

2 Donald Driver
2 DeSean Jackson
2 Steven Jackson
2 Brandon Jacobs
2 Larry Fitzgerald
2 Santana Moss
2 Hines Ward

1 Bernard Berrian
1 Ronnie Brown
1 Drew Brees
1 Isaac Bruce
1 Plaxico Burress
1 Chris Chambers
1 Chris Cooley
1 Jerricho Cotchery
1 Jay Cutler
1 Frank Gore
1 Ike Hilliard
1 Edgerrin James
1 Calvin Johnson
1 Marshawn Lynch
1 Darren McFadden
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Randy Moss
1 Lance Moore
1 Adrian Peterson
1 Phillip Rivers
1 Aaron Rodgers
1 Fred Taylor
1 Kurt Warner
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Kellen Winslow
1 Jason Witten
1 Roddy White

TEAM STARS FROM "THE U" THIS WEEK
Clinton Portis
Andre Johnson

TEAM STARS FROM MARYLAND THIS WEEK
El Zilcho


5) Zeroes (players who started and scored no points)

Mike - Vernon Davis
Ben - Santana Moss
Joe - BUF DEF

6) The JGR Memorial Almost Heroes (WRs and RBs who did not start and scored 20+ points)

Because the last week's top 2 scorers were left on the bench Ive decided to forgive this week's Almost Heroes. FYI I had no Almost Heroes. My top bench scorer had 8. Am I not merciful?

7) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)

John - Matt Jones
Tom - LJ
George - Rudi Johnson
Jay - Ricky Williams
Rice - Fred Taylor
Rice - Larry Maroney
Brad - Phil Rivers
Brad - Adrian Peterson
Pat - CJ
Pat - Marshawn Lynch
Pat - Ryan Grant
Vinny - Donovan
Vinny - JStew
Vinny - The Whale
Steve - Trent Edwards INJURY
Mike - Willis McGahee
Mike - Michael Pittman
Al - Chris Johnson
Terry - Selvin Young INJURY?

8) Haiku of the Week

Punchers lay an egg
Al won World Series Lottery!
Chasers put up points!

9) Videos of the Week