Player of the week: Grandma-ma1) Matchups
THE AMBULANCE CHASERS vs TTB
Chasers win despite Brad trying to fix the game with his waiver wire/Lance Moore bullshit
114.00-103.80
Team Stars
Chasers: Jerricho Cotchery (22.70)
TTB: Lance Moore (29.10)
I foolishly traded for Derek Anderson - I had to in order to make room to pick up a kicker! - AND I weathered the Lance Moore storm and came out on the other side victorious. In other good news, Shockme is supposed to be back for week 6, Chris Johnson is a stud and my WRs are awesome.
This thing was a hell of a lot closer than I wanted or hoped. In fact, all week I had said I expected Dunuvan to get Vinny 35 points... which made me shit my pants when I saw that I went into the Sunday Night game up 34.3. It all looked like God was setting me up for a nice kick in the nuts. Thanfully your friendly neighborhood Ambulance Chasers pulled it out, going to 3-1 with the second highest point total. Looking good!
SK WARRIORS vs. SPANK IT BOYZ
Boyz win the "Terry is for real but he'll probably never know Ive been saying he's for real because we're all pretty sure he can't use a computer except to buy used ATVs or fishing poles or shit" Bowl
125.45-114.35
Team Stars
Warriors: Larry Fitzgerald (20.20)
Boyz: Lav Coles (36.50)
As I looked over this game, one thought occured to me: Who the hell is Mike Tolbert?
JGR vs. THE STRATT MEN
John wins the "Last and Next Guys to Get Engaged, What a Couple of Fairies Bowl"
130.60-113.20
Team Stars
Rainbows: Edgerrin James (25.60)
Men: Santana Moss (22.50)
An all-Hurricane Team Stars game... well done, gentlemen. Is it possible Santana Moss is going to be CFFL MVP?
Couldnt get the job done on Monday...THE BROWN B-RADS vs. THE BEASTS
B-Rads win the "Don't worry, nobody is going undefeated Bowl"
149.40-93.65
Team Stars
B-Rads: Greg Jennings (28.90)
Beasts: Brandon Marshall (20.70)
No word of a lie: George was holding out hope that Big Ben was going for 50 points on MNF. Sucker. Burnt. I dont know if GY is the best of the 1-3 teams... but man, he has a lot of talented players we'd all like on our teams and he's just not putting up W's.
I was wrong about Brad's receivers, clearly. I still dont love Derrick Mason, but he's gonna get used. Dwayne Bowe is pretty much the only option on that team and Greg Jennings is a legit WR1. There was a lot of risk to this group, but they all saw upticks in their value - not thanks to any move by Brad, but only because of injuries or changes in the situations of other players. Meanwhile Ernie Graham is a good option and APete is special. Rivers and Scheffler are excellent options he hit on, too, so he looks like a legit title contender, if not the favorite. Shockingly, the last three winners (Me, Brad and Joe) appear to have the three best teams at this point.
Sweep the leg Johnny!Sweepers win the "Good Team Having Disappointing Weeks" Bowl
107.00-92.45
Eagles: Drew Brees (30.15)
Sweepers: Anquan Boldin (27.90)
Thanks for putting me in second place, Rice. Pat's big mistake? Starting three Buffalo Bills. Pushed your luck, buddy.
Lets Gooooooo Buf-a-lo!
Who the hell is Devin Thomas??
RI COLTS vs. StS
Stump wins the "Casali Brothers Classic"
128.65-91.15
Team Stars
Colts: Larry Johnson (36.80)
Stumps: Steven Jackson (29.80)
Those two stars make me laugh. What do they have in common? They both looked like the #1 overall pick a year and a half ago, they both were highly touted coming into the season, they both sucked it up for the first three weeks and they both will probably suck again next week.
Mike pulls into an early lead in Casali Cup play, handing the Cup holder a painful early loss. By no means damning, but it hurts a lot. This was also a big blow to Tom's playoff chances. Both these teams desperately need to turn their seasons around in the next couple of weeks.
GOODFELLAS vs. DONKEY PUNCHERS
Punchers win the "Trash Talkers" Bowl
125.10-98.65
Team Stars
Fellas: LT (25.50)
Punchers: DeSean Jackson (21.60)
I swear, if I had known he was going to start Pierre Thomas against Joe I never would have traded him to him. Pretty sure he got the best out of that stupid fucking trade anyway. Im an idiot and David Gayrard can go fuck himself.
I havent heard anyone really note it yet, but DeSean Jackson must be having one of the greatest seasons by a rookie WR ever. Rookie WRs never do shit. Jackson's 4 games in the NFL so far look like this:
Week 1- vsSTL: 6 rec, 106 yds
Week 2-@DAL: 6 rec, 110 yds
Week 3-vsPIT: 5 rec, 40 yds
Week 4-@CHI: 5 rec, 71 yds, TD
Now, the two things we should bear in mind are that Philly uses lots of WRs and spreads the ball around and also that Jackson has faced 3 really goof defenses (PIT, @DAL, @CHI).
Jackson is on pace right now for 88 rec and 1308 yds. What did Randy Moss do in his rookie season (the best ever by a rookie WR)? 69 rec and 1313 yds. Of course, Moss had 17 TDs, but Jackson is still damn impressive.
2) Bets
-CASALI LIQUORS CUP
A conference style competition, for anyone who works or who has worked at Casali Liquors. Wager amount TBD. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Casali Cup teams. If two teams tie the tiebreaker will be who won when the tied teams met head to head.
1-0 StS
0-0 Ambulance Chasers
0-0 Beasts
0-1 RI Colts
Past Winners:
2007: RI Colts
2006: Ambulance Chasers
The Beasts and Colts match up this week. This is a must win game for Tom if he wants to retain the Cup.
The America's Cup: Not as cool as our cup.-CHAMPIONS CUP
A conference style competition, for past winners of the CFFL Championship. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Champions Cup teams.
0-0 Ambulance Chasers
0-0 Donkey Punchers
0-0 Brown B-Rads
It is the inaugural season for the Champions Cup
-YANKEES
Mike lost twenty to me because the Yankees are not going to make the playoffs.
-NL EAST
John bet 50 bucks that the Mets would win the NL East, I said the Phillies would take it. Im 2 for 2 on baseball bets this year!
3) Heroes
MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
149.40- Brown B-Rads vs Beasts
MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
38.45 - Brett Favre - StS - ON HIS BENCH!!
36.80 - Larry Johnson - RI Colts
MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
157.45 - Brown B-Rads vs. SK Warriors (Week 2)
149.40 - Brown B-Rads vs Beasts (Week 4)
146.80 - Ambulance Chasers vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 2)
146.35 - Leg Sweepers vs. StS (Week 2)
138.25 - SK Warriors vs. RI Colts (Week 3)
137.90 - Donkey Punchers vs StS (Week 1)
136.00 - Stratt Men (Week 3)
133.50 - JGR vs TTB (Week 2)
MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
42.15 - Ronnie Brown - SK Warriors (Week 3)
40.60 - Brandon Marshall - Beasts (Week 2)
38.45 - Brett Favre - StS - (Week 4) ON HIS BENCH!!
38.00 - Anquan Boldin - Leg Sweepers (Week 2)
37.80 - Reggie Bush - Stratt Men (Week 3)
36.80 - Larry Johnson - RI Colts (Week 4)
36.50 - Lav Coles - Spank It Boyz (Week 4)
36.10 - Jay Cutler - StS (Week 2)
35.60 - Michael Turner - Donkey Punchers (Week 1)
32.60 - TJ Houshmdhfkhehfagfdeh -Ambulance Chasers (Week 3)
31.80 - Willie Parker - RI Colts (Week 1)
34.30 - Brian Westbrook - Ambulance Chasers (Week 2)
32.85 - Phillip Rivers - Brown B-Rads (Week 2)
32.10 - Santana Moss - Stratt Men (Week 2)
31.60 - Kurt Warner - Leg Sweepers (Week 4)
30.90 - Aaron Rodgers - Leg Sweepers (Week 2)
30.90 - Calvin Johnson - Spread Eagles (Week 2)
MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
104.55 - Jay Cutler - StS
99.75 - Drew Brees - Spread Eagles
96.20 - Phillip Rivers - Brown B-Rads
96.05 - Brett Favre - StS
93.60 - Anquan Boldin - Leg Sweepers
93.10 - Kurt Warner - Leg Sweepers
93.00 - Reggie Bush - Stratt Men
91.85 - Aaron Rodgers - GOODFELLAS
91.60 - Tony Romo - JGR
89.80 - Santana Moss - Stratt Men
Kurt Warner sucks,and DEAR GOD Lavarnuyeajes Coles is ugly.
4) Stars
STARS OF THE WEEK (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)
STAR #1: 36.80 - Larry Johnson - RI Colts
STAR #2: 36.50 - Lav Coles - Spank It Boyz
STAR #3: 31.60 - Kurt Warner -Leg Sweepers
STAR LEADERS (Most stars at the end of of the season is the MVP)
6 Brandon Marshall
5 Larry Johnson
5 Michael Turner
4 Anquan Boldin
4 Lav Coles
3 Marion Barber
3 Reggie Bush
3 FWP
3 LT
3 Brian Westbrook
2 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah
2 DeSean Jackson
2 Steven Jackson
2 Greg Jennings
2 Santana Moss
2 Clinton Portis
1 Ronnie Brown
1 Drew Brees
1 Plaxico Burress
1 Chris Chambers
1 Jerricho Cotchery
1 Jay Cutler
1 Donald Driver
1 Larry Fitzgerald
1 Frank Gore
1 Ike Hilliard
1 Edgerrin James
1 Andre Johnson
1 Calvin Johnson
1 Marshawn Lynch
1 Darren McFadden
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Lance Moore
1 Adrian Peterson
1 Phillip Rivers
1 Fred Taylor
1 Hines Ward
1 Kurt Warner
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Kellen Winslow
1 Jason Witten
TEAM STARS FROM "THE U" THIS WEEK
Edgerrin James
Santana Moss
TEAM STARS FROM MARYLAND THIS WEEK
Durr... Me pitch for YankeesOn a side note, I think its amazing they found
a bowl big enough to give him haircuts
5) Zeroes (players who started and scored no points
Bryant Johnson - Vinny
Todd Heap - Ben
Jerramy Stevens - George
James Hardy - Pat
Devin Thomas - Rice
JAX DEF - Rice
Banging Madonna in 1990: AwesomeBanging Madonna in 2008: Totally Gay
Banging ARod EVER: Totally Gay
6) The JGR Memorial Almost Heroes (WRs and RBs who did not start and scored 20+ points)
Muhsin Muhammed - Terry
Steve Slaton - Joe
Ken Walter - John
7) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)
Al - Derek Anderson (12.00)
Al - Chris Perry (9.30)
Vinny - Ike Hilliard (4.10)
Vinny - LenWhale (7.30)
George - Ben Roethlisfdhfkjfger (13.85)
George - Jerry Porter (1.60)
George - MJD (6.90)
Tom - Donald Driver (1.80)
Tom - Ronald Curry (2.10)
Tom - R Mendenhall (4.60) INJURY
Mike - Willis McGahee (9.10) PREDICTABLE INJURY
Steve - Hank Baskett (2.00)
Steve - Mike Tolbert (3.50)
Terry - Selvin Young (4.90)
Pat - Ryan Grant (4.00)
Rice - Fred Taylor (7.60)
Rice - Thomas Jones (8.90)
Jay - Chansi Stuckey (3.20)
Jay - Pierre Thomas (0.10)
Joe - Michael Turner (6.60)
8) Haiku of the Week
Review sucked last week
Computer now good as new
Chasers still awesome
9) Videos of the Week
2007:
2008:
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