WEEKLY REVIEW: WEEK 7

1) Matchups

AMBULANCE CHASERS vs. STUMP THE SKORUPE
Chasers are Stumped in the “Happy Trails Ronnie Brown Bowl”
133.00 -115.45
Team Stars
Chasers: Anquan Boldin (22.90)
Stump: Big Ben Roethlisbdfkjkfkhefer (32.50)

Mercifully, Mike ended it on Sunday, so I didn’t have to watch MNF to see the certain loss. I thought I had enough of a lead, and I would have if not for either of 1) Ronnie Brown going down(Chatman got 15 points after Ronnie left the game…) OR 2) Roethlisturdburglar not throwing for 33 points against fucking Denver(No Champ Bailey). Gay.

Oh well, before the season I told everyone weeks 7 and 8 were likely losses. Mike vaults himself back up into the playoffs. I lost ground on the other contenders, and my ceiling gets uncomfortably low.


CINCINNATI BOWTIES vs. SPANK IT BOYZ
Bowties win the “Everybody doubles up Terry Bowl”
120.20 – 67.70
Team Stars
Bowties: Roddy White (25.00)
Boyz: NONE

Season over for Terry. Vinny looked like he was in a lot better shape when I was beating Mike. Still, he’s right there. Great trade, too, for both him and Tom this week. You rarely see a TE that good traded in season, but then you rarely see a RB that good traded in season. Filled two gaping holes for each team.



BAD NEWZ KENNELZ vs. JOHNNY GAY RAINBOWS
Rainbows win the “Wes Welker? Really? Wes Welker? Bowl”
161.90 – 84.45
Team Stars
Kennelz: Larry Fitzgerald (15.70)
Rainbows: Wes Welker (34.80)

Another impressive performance by JGR. Pat doesn’t hurt so much, even though his team was terrible this week. He’s already beat some teams he shouldn’t have, and no one can feel bad about losing to John.

Scary thought for rest of the league: This was LT’s bye week…



BROWN B-RADS vs. RI COLTS
B-Rads win the “Its Good to be the Patriots Bowl”
139.50 – 101.15
Team Stars
B-Rads: Tom Brady (41.70)
Colts: Peyton Manning (22.95)

Brad gets the win and first place because Bill Bellicheck is a prickface who decided to run up the score… and then, the douchebag actually defends running up the score with an attitude. I can tell you with absolute certainty that this game was OVER 3 minutes into the game. There was no need to keep Brady in the game.

On another note, Brad went to the game in Miami (on some sort of homosexual vacation cruise… which is why he has no photos of the game). Still, this has to be one of the top 5 sports days in Brad’s life, right? Sox make the World Series(again) and the Pats look dominant going to 7-0.

I want everyone to know now that EVERYONE ON MY TEAM – EVERY STARTER is on a bye next week. Tom is going to beat the SHIT out of me. He finally smarted up and traded one of his many RBs for a top TE too. FUCK.


THE BREASTS vs. CH. 4 NEWS TEAM
Double D’s win the “Parity Bowl”
162.35 – 63.40
Team Stars
Funbags: Randy Moss (28.20)
Rice-a-Roni: Hines Ward (14.80)

George is back in it, too. So far, as you read down these matchups youll notice that two teams have scored over 160 points… NEITHER had the most points this week.

I gave Rice credit last week… and so he immediately pulls a Terry the next week.


DONKEY PUNCHERS vs. GOODFELLAS
Asses win the “Andoscia Sweep Bowl II”
133.15 – 85.85
Team Stars
Punchers: Earnest Graham (32.10)
Fellas: Tony Romo (18.25)

Joe keeps the winning going, Jay continues to hold the value of Enron stock.

Just like the last five weeks, Jay puts up Tony Romo and nothing, and cant get a win. Joe gets solid production all around and does.


ROOKIE vs. SK WARRIORS
Ben wins the “Old Fashioned Beat Down”
164.70 – 104.50
Team Stars
Ben: Chad Pennington (28.30) & Lav Coles (33.30)
Warriors: Jay Cutler (28.50)

Ben explodes for a shitload of points and Steve’s magical run of victories ends(though he’s still in damn good shape). I took some guff for saying George and Ben weren’t out of it… well… theyre not out of it.



2) Bets

CASALI LIQUORS CUP
Stump the Skorupe 2-0
RI Colts 1-0
Ambulance Chasers 0-1
George 0-2


AL and MIKE’s WRs
-Who has the better wideouts? Decided by total points on the year
MIKE: 336.60
AL: 220.70

I suck.


AL & GEORGE TOTAL POINTS
AL: 893.55
GY: 828.20

160+ points sure helps make up some ground on me. Still, Im 3rd overall by a good margin, but you do figure to make up even more ground this week.


PAT & TERRY BETTER RECORD
PAT: 3-4
TERRY: 1-6


JOHN, BRAD, JOE: Still cant believe there hasn’t been a side bet between you guys.

3) Heroes

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
164.70 – Rookie vs. SK Warriors (Week 7)

MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
41.70 – Tom Brady – Brown B-Rads



MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
215.35 – Tom Brady – Brown B-Rads
183.30 – Tony Romo – GOODFELLAS
177.20 –Randy Moss – The Beasts
170.10 – Ronnie Brown – Ex Ambulance Chaser
154.80 – TJ Houshmandfhshfiuefideh – Donkey Punchers
145.80 – Derek Anderson – Spank It Boyz
145.55 – LT – JGR
138.95 – Carson Palmer – Rice
138.00 – Plaxico Burress – Stump the Skorupe
134.90 –Peyton Manning – RI Colts

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
192.30 – JGR vs. Cincinnati Bowties (Week 6)
171.95 – Channel 4 News Team vs. Cincinnati Bowties (Week 2)
171.00 – Ambulance Chasers vs. Donkey Punchers (Week 3)
165.25 – RI Colts vs. Rookie (Week 3)
164.70 – Rookie vs. SK Warriors (Week 7)
162.35 – The Beasts vs. Channel 4 News Team (Week 7)
161.90 – Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. BAD NEWZ KENNELZ (Week 7)
158.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. RI Colts (Week 1)
154.00 – Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. GY (Week 3)
150.10 - Cincinnati Bowties vs. Channel 4 News Team (Week 2)
149.20 – Donkey Punchers vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 4)
147.70 – RI Colts vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 1)
139.75 – Donkey Punchers vs. Ambulance Chasers (Week 3)
139.50 – Brown B-Rads vs. RI Colts (Week 7)
139.20 – SK Warriors vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 3)


MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
51.10 – Kevin Curtis vs. DET (Week 3) – John
48.40 – LT vs OAK (Week 6) - John
47.10 – Ronnie Brown vs. NYJ (Week 3) – Al
45.10 – Brian Westbrook vs. DET (Week3) - Tom
45.05 – Carson Palmer vs. CLE (Week 2) - Rice
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL (Week 1) - Mike
44.10 – Anquan Boldin vs. BAL (Week 3) - Al
43.90 – Ocho Cinco vs. CLE (Week 2) - Vinny
42.30 – Adrian Peterson vs. CHI (Week 6) - John
41.70 – Tom Brady vs. MIA (Week 7) - Brad
41.30 – Steve Smith vs. HOU (Week 2) - Brad
40.35 - Tony Romo vs. NYG (Week 1) – Terry
39.90 –Tom Brady vs. DAL (Week 6) - Brad
37.35 – Tony Romo vs. STL (Week 4) – Jay
36.70 –Kenny Watson vs. NYJ (Week 7) - Ben
35.75 – Donovan McNabb vs DET (Week 3) - Terry
35.40 – Roy Williams vs. PHI (Week 3) - Steve
35.40 – Wes Welker vs DAL (Week 6) - John
34.80 – Wes Welker vs. MIA (Week 7) - John
34.60 – Braylon Edwards vs. CIN (Week 2) - Rice
34.50 – TJ Houshmadhfjkahhehfdeh vs. KC (Week 6) - Joe
34.40 – MoJo Drew vs. HOU (Week 6) - Terry
33.30 – Lav Coles vs. CIN (Week 7) - Ben
33.30 - Randy Moss vs. NYJ (Week 1) – George
32.80 – Kenton Keith vs. TB (Week 5) - Joe
32.70 – Ronnie Brown vs. OAK (Week 4) - Al
32.55 – Daunte Culpepper vs. MIA (Week 4) – John



STAR OF THE WEEK (Worth an extra star)

Tom Brady vs. MIA – Brown B-Rads


TEAM STARS LEADERS (Most Stars at end of season = Fantasy MVP)

6 Tom Brady

5 Randy Moss
5 Tony Romo

4 Ronnie Brown
4 Plaxico Burress
4 LaDainian Tomlinson

3 Lav Coles
3 Antonio Gates
3 TJ Houshmanzadeh
3 Peyton Manning
3 Willis McGahee
3 Brian Westbrook

2 Anquan Boldin
2 Ocho Cinco
2 Kevin Curtis
2 Braylon Edwards
2 Larry Fitzgerald
2 Edgerrin James
2 Kenton Keith
2 Jon Kitna
2 Terrell Owens
2 Carson Palmer
2 Ben Roethlisberger
2 Ben Watson
2 Reggie Wayne
2 Jason Witten

1 Bernard Berrian
1 Deion Branch
1 Dwayne Bowe
1 Reggie Bush
1 Dallas Clark
1 Chris Cooley
1 Daunte Culpepper
1 Patrick Crayton
1 Jay Cutler
1 Maurice Jones-Drew
1 Bobby Engram
1 DeShaun Foster
1 Joey Galloway
1 Tony Gonzalez
1 Frank Gore
1 Earnest Graham
1 Todd Heap
1 Tavis Henry
1 Torry Holt
1 Santonio Holmes
1 Lamont Jordan
1 Andre Johnson
1 Larry Johnson
1 Joe Jurevicius
1 Jamal Lewis
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Chad Pennington
1 Adrian Peterson (MIN)
1 Steve Smith
1 Amani Toomer
1 Javon Walker
1 Hines Ward
1 Wes Welker
1 Roy Williams
1 Roddy White
1 Jason Wright


TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS WEEK
N/A

TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS YEAR
3 Willis McGahee
2 Edgerrin James
2 Reggie Wayne
1 Andre Johnson
1 Frank Gore

TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS WEEK
N/A

TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS YEAR
1 LaMont Jordan


4) Zeroes (Players who started and scored no points)

Terry – Marcus Pollard INJURY??
Brad – Anthony Gonzalez
Tom – Reggie Kelly
Rice – Keenan McCardell

5) Almost Heroes (WRs and RBs who did not start and scored 20+ points)

Terry – Marion Barber III (20.50)
Tom – Andre Davis (20.80)
Tom – Kevin Jones (23.00)
Ben – Kenny Watson (36.70)
Steve – Derrick Mason (20.80)

6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)

Al – Edgerrin James (8.30)
Mike – Brian Leonard (4.40)
Vinny – Warrick Dunn (3.90)
Terry – Jason Avant (3.50)
Terry – Roscoe Parrish (1.90)
Terry – Jabar Gaffney (2.20)
Terry – Travis Henry (5.10)
Pat – Jon Kitna (8.25)
Pat – Maurice Hicks (3.20)
John – Jerious Norwood (6.90)
Brad – Larry Maroney (3.10)
George – Patricia Crayton (3.90)
Rice – Mike Furrey (4.40)
Rice – Thomas Jones (6.70)
Rice – Ladell Betts (1.20)
Joe – Marc Bulger (11.25)
Jay – Marvin Harrison (4.60)
Jay – Shaun Alexander (7.50)
Jay – Ruben Droughns (0.70)
Steve – Kevin Faulk (4.40)


7) Haiku of the Week

Chasers do get Stump’d
Three teams top a buck sixty
So… RIP Ronnie Brown

8) The Office Quote of the Week

Andy: And this is where I will record your sales.
Dwight: Hmm. Very nice. Very nice.
Andy: And then I will say something positive, like kudos or job well done.
Jim: Or zipadeedoodaah.
Andy: I can't tell if he's mocking me.
Dwight: Just ignore him.
Andy: Ehh, can't do that. Really hard for me to let things go.
Jim: I was... mocking.
Andy: Thank you.
Dwight: I just feel like we need something more to acknowledge when I make a sale.
Andy: Yes like a chime or a bell...
Jim: Or a gong.
Dwight: Go to my car. Open the trunk. Inside you will see many pelts. Under the smallest one is a case. Inside that case is a bear horn. Bring it to me.
Andy: Yes!

Odds to Win CFFL Championsip: Week 6

DISCLAIMER: Odds for informational purposes only

Rocky
2-1 Johnny Gay Rainbows (Great RBs are the key to fantasy football and that is what the Rainbows have. We've all been praying for Peterson to get hurt, but Norwood doesnt look that bad anymore. John WILL be there until the end. The only hope for the rest of the league is TWO serious injuries OR an off-week in the playoffs at the wrong time.)


Major League (In alphabetical order - very similar teams...)
5-1 Ambulance Chasers (Looking good... Good RBs, Good QBs, Great TE, K, DEF. Crappy WRs... but if there's one place you want to be weak its WR. Easiest spot to fill in season. If I can beat one of the two Casalis in the next two weeks I will be in great shape and an easy schedule remaining.)
5-1 Brown B-Rads (Squeaked out a second victory by less than 5 points... but hell, that's the name of the game. No way he misses playoffs)
5-1 Donkey Punchers (High Point total is nice. Loss to Chasers in week 3 looms large. Otherwise it might have been him and John at the top. Still weak at RB2.)
5-1 SK Warriors (Looking better with each week. Will his lack of depth come back to bite him in the ass? Fantasy Football is a war of attrition... fortunately for him he can probably back into the playoffs even if a wave of injuries hit)


Field of Dreams
12-1 Ch. 4 News Team (Came from way back to claim a spot as contender. Team is hurting, but solid. If he can put together a string of W's he can end the season for 5 or 6 teams)
15-1 Stump the Skorupe (Big Loss last week, but has good pieces and is sitting pretty. Waiting on some things to shake out for him and he could be dangerous.)


Rudy
25-1 RI COLTS (How did it get to this point? Needs wins and needs them now, but he has the toughest teams coming up on his schedule. Lots of RBs, but none he can count on week in and week out... Potential to turn it around quickly, though, and if he gets in he could do some damage once the RB situations are sorted out.)
30-1 BAD NEWZ KENNELZ (Crucial win. Team looks terrible right now, but 3 wins is huge at this stage. If he makes the playoffs anything can happen... odds are against it though.)
30-1 Cincinnati Bowties (Last week I said no part of his team stood out... I was wrong. Good WRs, but mediocre lots of other places. Should be in it until the end at the least.)


Any Given Sunday
50-1 GOODFELLAS (I never understand how Jay wins and his team always looks crappy to me so I cant count him out. Getting close, though)
50-1 Rookie (Big loss this week. One loss from being completely screwed)


Air Bud
75-1 The Beasts (Up shit creek without a paddle)


A League of Their Own
500-1 Spank it Boyz (Toast.)


RANKING BY TOTAL POINTS

851.60 - JGR
801.30 - Donkey Punchers
778.10 - Ambulance Chasers
756.80 - RI Colts
719.95 - SK Warriors
698.35 - Brown B-Rads
678.75 - Ch. 4 News Team
677.45 - Stump The Skorupe
674.85 - Cincinnati Bowties
665.85 - The Beasts
638.05 - Rookie
635.55 - GOODFELLAS
606.55 - BAD NEWZ KENNELZ
601.75 - Spank It Boyz


Odds will be updated weekly

MANAGER OF THE YEAR: WEEK 6

MANAGER OF THE YEAR

This is a new feature. Ive decided on a scoring system based on weekly performance to determine the manager of the year. Thing such as Zeroes or your player going for 50 points will earn you manager points. The player with the most of these arbitrarily decided points at the end of the year will be declared "manager of the year." Feel free to double check me, but as points can be randomly awared you should 1) phrase the email nicely; and 2) assume I ignored it on purpose because I hate you.


The Scoring System:
+10 Most team points in the week
+10 Star of the week
-5 Zero
-1 Almost Zero
-3 Almost Hero
+1 130+ points
+2 140+ points
+5 150+ points
+10 175+ points
+20 200+ points
- 5 80- points
-10 70- points
-15 60- points
+5 Player on your team scores 40+ points
+10 Player on your team scores 50+ points


STANDINGS

JOHN 60
AL 14
JOE 14
MIKE 4
TOM 4
RICE 3
BRAD -4
STEVE -7
VINNY -3
JAY -9
GEORGE -12
PAT -18
BEN -26
TERRY -42


JOHN 60
+10 Star of the week (LT, Week 6)
+10 Star of the week (Adrian Peterson, Week 6)
+10 175+ points (Week 6)
+5 Player on your team scores 40+ points (LT, Week 6)
+5 Player on your team scores 40+ points (A-Pete, Week 6)
-5 Zero (Santana Moss, Week 6)
-3 Almost Hero (Kevin Walter, Week 6)
-3 Almost Hero (Jerrious Norwood, Week 6)
-10 Points b/c Hurricane was a Zero (Santana Moss, Week 6)

AL 14
-5 Zero (Anquan Boldin, Week 6)
-1 Almost Zero (Samie Parker, Week 6)

JOE 14
N/A

MIKE 4
-1 Almost Zero (Tavaris Jackson, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Brian Leonard, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Ahman Green, Week 5)

TOM 4
N/A

RICE 3
-1 Almost Zero (Ladell Betts, Week 6)

BRAD -4
-5 Zero (James Jones, Week 6)
-1 Almost Zero (Sammy Morris, Week 6)
-1 Almost Zero (Chris Brown, Week 6)

STEVE -7
N/A

VINNY -3
-1 Almost Zero (Vince Young, Week 6)
-1 Almost Zero (Warrick Dunn, Week 6)
+5 Team star went to the University of Miami (Willis McGahee, Week 6)

JAY -9
-1 Almost Zero (Shaun Alexander, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Michael Jenkins, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Mike Sellers, Week 5)

GEORGE -12
N/A

PAT -18
-5 Zero (Pierre Thomas, Week 6)
-1 Almost Zero (Gus Frerotte, Week 6)

BEN -26
-1 Almost Zero (Brandon Jacobs, Week 6)
-1 Almost Zero (Lav Coles, Week 6)
-1 Almost Zero (Chad Pennington, Week 6)

TERRY -42
-1 Almost Zero (Marion Barber III, Week 6)
-5 Zero (Jason Avant, Week 6)



THIS WEEK WAS CANES/TERPS BONUS WEEK
+5 Points if your team star went to the University of Miami or Maryland.
-10 Points if any Hurricane or Terp on your team is a Zero or Almost Zero(Once per team)


NEXT WEEK IS SEC BONUS WEEK
+20 Points if your team star went to an SEC school
-25 Points if you have a Zero or an Almost Hero from an SEC school
-15 Points if you have an Almost Zero from an SEC School
-1 Points if you have Ladainian Tomlinson and he gets Zero Points, whether you play him or not
-1 Points if your name begins with "J" and ends with "ohn Rossi"
+5 Points to the first person to put in the comments for this article who the coach shown above is...

WEEKLY REVIEW: WEEK 6

1) Matchups

AMBULANCE CHASERS vs. THE GOODFELLAS
Ambulance Chasers win the “Andoscia Brothers Sweep Bowl”
125.30 – 92.25
Team Stars
Chasers: Tony Gonzalez (31.20)
FELLAS: Bobby Engram (21.00)

I have now swept the Andoscia brothers(excepting Curly).

The Chasers lost the first two games of the season and some called them dead – I wont name names. 4 weeks later and 4 wins later and theyre sitting pretty at 4-2. Nothing but a tough early schedule(John and Brad) held them back. Ronnie Brown and Edge look pretty good. Theyre not A-Pete and LT, but theyre far better than most.

So... what the hell has happened to Jay’s team?


CINCINNATI BOWTIES vs. JOHNNY GAY RAINBOWS
Rainbows win the “Oh my god, his RBs were ridiculous Bowl”
192.30 – 96.10
Team Stars
Bowties: Willis McGahee (17.00)
Rainbows: LT (48.40) and A-Pete (42.30)

There isn’t a whole lot to say about this one. I mean, I guess Peterson should have gotten more points… he returned a ball 54 yards with a minute to go and the game tied, which essentially got his team the win. I was shocked to see LT with more points.

Poor Vinny… last four weeks he played Brad, Al, Joe and John… 1-3, and that’s only by beating Brad by less than a single point(Brad’s only loss). Most teams will have to play Brad, Al and Joe in order… Im officially calling that “The Gauntlet.” Tom is starting that terrible stretch this week.


ROOKIE vs. BAD NEWZ KENNELZ
Kennelz win the “ Pat has a guy named Pierre on his team and he’s started him twice! Bowl”
96.80 – 78.70
Team Stars
Rookie: Larry Johnson (22.30)
Kennelz: Bernard Berrian (18.80)

Big win for Pat, whose team continues to win in Rockies-like fashion despite a lack of talent and healthy players. Big Loss for Ben, who has a lot of talent but cant get wins for some reason. Good thing for these two that the last playoff spot is like the Mexican Border…. wide open. (Alternatively insert joke about Yo Momma here)

This game was a fiesta of bad starts, but there is a time and place for that… not that it matters, because – although I haven’t run the numbers yet – I do believe John has mathematically locked up Manager of the Year.



THE BROWN B-RADS vs. STUMP THE SKORUPE
B-Rads won the “Thriller in Hotlanta”
114.40 – 110.40
Team Stars
B-Rads: Tom Brady (39.90)
Stump: Amani Toomer (21.90) and Plaxico Burress (21.70)


SICK GAME. Came down to Monday Night. Mike was down a shitload of points. He got 40+ from his two Giants WRs, and for a brief second it was enough. The kicked(pun intended) is that Brad had the G-Men’s kicker, so every TD by those WRs was only worth 5 points. He had a lead. Then they were tied, then on a late field goal by Brad’s kicker Tynes the B-Rads took their final lead. Heartbreak. Mike falls to .500. Brad keeps his league best record and second place standing intact.

If youre wondering why both Giants got team star, its because of the incredible MNF effort. Typically Id only give that out if two players had 35+ points or so, but I feel its justified here.

The weird part? I PREDICTED BEFORE THE GAME THAT MIKE WOULD GET THE POINTS HE NEEDED BUT LOSE ON A LATE FG. Do I have the shine? It seems likely.



RI COLTS vs. CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM
Ron Burgundy wins the “Going opposite directions Bowl”
106.30 – 95.75
Team Stars
Colts: Brian Westbrook (21.60)
News Team: Braylon Edwards (29.70)

Tom drops to 2-4 despite being fourth in the league in points. However Tom is losing his point standings quickly and Rice is closing the gap between his team and the top dogs just as rapidly. The end result is that any team except Terry could still make the playoffs from the 6 seed. In fact, no team in the league is more than 2 games out of the playoffs. Who could make it? ANYONE. Yes, it will still take 7 wins or so, but one of you losers has to make that kind of run. Who is it gonna be?

Tom cant really bitch anyway, as 95 points typically shouldn’t get you a win. This was a very winnable game though, and one that shouldn’t have slipped away. Big, big win for Rice, who looked like he had given up two weeks back. He would be in the playoffs if the season ended today.


DONKEY PUNCHERS vs. SPANK IT BOYZ
Punchers win the “Its all over for Terry Bowl”
138.55 – 111.40
Team Stars
Punchers: TJ Houshmakgdhfaushdeh (34.50)
Boyz: Mojo Drew (34.40)

Terry, the good news is that just one more week and you will be finished with “The Gauntlet.”

Joe had a nice lead on John in points, figured he’d probably keep his placein the standings with nearly 140 points…. Not so fast. JGR decided to go for 190. Still, the top 5 teams all won… and the rich get richer.

Terry actually puts up a decent point total... but it doesnt matter.


THE BEASTS vs. SK WARRIORS
Warriors win the “Is the winning/losing a mirage? Bowl”
123.20 – 101.75
Team Stars
Beasts: Jason Wright (18.80)
Warriors: Chris Cooley (25.50)

Ok, I guess youd be a fool not to believe in Steve’s team at this point. 5-1 means two more wins to the playoffs. Also, I cant go on saying George’s team is better than it looks when he’s sitting at 1-5. Still, George has hope as long as that 6th spot goes unclaimed.



2) Bets

CASALI LIQUORS CUP
Stump the Skorupe 1-0
RI Colts 1-0
Ambulance Chasers 0-0
George 0-2


AL and MIKE’s WRs-Who has the better wideouts? Decided by total points on the year
MIKE: 290.3
AL: 175.8

I suck.


AL & GEORGE TOTAL POINTS
AL: 778.10
GY: 665.85



PAT & TERRY BETTER RECORD
PAT: 3-3
TERRY: 1-5


JOHN, BRAD, JOE: Still cant believe there hasn’t been a side bet between you guys.


3) Heroes

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
192.30 – JGR vs. Cincinnati Bowties (RECORD)


MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
48.40 – LT – JGR


MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
173.65 – Tom Brady – Brown B-Rads
165.05 – Tony Romo – GOODFELLAS
154.20 – Ronnie Brown – Ambulance Chasers
149.00 – Randy Moss – The Beasts
145.80 – Derek Anderson – Spank It Boyz
145.55 – LT – JGR
139.70 – TJ Houshmadkfsfhaehfkadeh – Donkey Punchers
128.70 – Plaxico Burress – Stump The Skorupe
126.20 – Braylon Edwards – Channel 4 News Team
123.65 – Carson Palmer – Channel 4 News Team


MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
192.30 – JGR vs. Cincinnati Bowties (Week 6)
171.95 – Channel 4 News Team vs. Cincinnati Bowties (Wk 2)
171.00 – Ambulance Chasers vs. Donkey Punchers (Wk 3)
165.25 – RI Colts vs. Rookie (Week 3)
158.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. RI Colts (Week 1)
154.00 – Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. GY (Week 3)
150.10 - Cincinnati Bowties vs. Channel 4 News Team (Wk 2)
149.20 – Donkey Punchers vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Wk 4)
147.70 – RI Colts vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 1)
139.75 – Donkey Punchers vs. Ambulance Chasers (Wk 3)
139.20 – SK Warriors vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 3)


MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
51.10 – Kevin Curtis vs. DET (Week 3) – John
48.40 – LT vs OAK (Week 6) - John
47.10 – Ronnie Brown vs. NYJ (Week 3) – Al
45.10 – Brian Westbrook vs. DET (Week3) - Tom
45.05 – Carson Palmer vs. CLE (Week 2) - Rice
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL (Week 1) - Mike
44.10 – Anquan Boldin vs. BAL (Week 3) - Al
43.90 – Ocho Cinco vs. CLE (Week 2) - Vinny
42.30 – Adrian Peterson vs. CHI (Week 6) - John
41.30 – Steve Smith vs. HOU (Week 2) - Brad
40.35 - Tony Romo vs. NYG (Week 1) – Terry
39.90 –Tom Brady vs. DAL (Week 6) - Brad
37.35 – Tony Romo vs. STL (Week 4) – Jay
35.75 – Donovan McNabb vs DET (Week 3) - Terry
35.40 – Roy Williams vs. PHI (Week 3) - Steve
35.40 – Wes Welker vs DAL (Week 6) - John
34.60 – Braylon Edwards vs. CIN (Week 2) - Rice
34.50 – TJ Houshmadhfjkahhehfdeh vs. KC (Week 6) - Joe
34.40 – MoJo Drew vs. HOU (Week 6) - Terry
33.30 - Randy Moss vs. NYJ (Week 1) – George
32.80 – Kenton Keith vs. TB (Week 5) - Joe
32.70 – Ronnie Brown vs. OAK (Week 4) - Al
32.55 – Daunte Culpepper vs. MIA (Week 4) – John
31.55 – Derek Anderson vs. MIA (Week 6) – Jay
31.20 – Tony Gonzalez vs. CIN (Week 6) - Al
31.20 – Randy Moss vs. CIN (Week 4) - George
31.15 – Brian Griese vs. MIN (Week 6) - Joe
31.10 –Steve Smith vs. ARI (Week 6) - Brad
31.00 – Andre Johnson vs. CAR (Week 2) – John
30.90 – LaMont Jordan vs. DET (Week 1) – Tom



STAR OF THE WEEK (Worth an extra star)
Yet another split star of the week… I don’t think anyone can seriously question this one though. Time to rename the Gay Rainbows “Team LTAP.”

Ladainian Tomlinson vs. OAK (48.40) – John
Adrian Peteson vs. CHI (42.30) – John



TEAM STARS LEADERS (Most Stars at end of season = Fantasy MVP)

4 Tom Brady
4 Ronnie Brown
4 Plaxico Burress
4 Randy Moss
4 Tony Romo
4 LaDainian Tomlinson

3 Antonio Gates
3 TJ Houshmanzadeh
3 Willis McGahee
3 Brian Westbrook

2 Ocho Cinco
2 Lav Coles
2 Kevin Curtis
2 Braylon Edwards
2 Edgerrin James
2 Kenton Keith
2 Jon Kitna
2 Peyton Manning
2 Terrell Owens
2 Carson Palmer
2 Ben Watson
2 Reggie Wayne
2 Jason Witten

1 Bernard Berrian
1 Anquan Boldin
1 Deion Branch
1 Dwayne Bowe
1 Reggie Bush
1 Dallas Clark
1 Chris Cooley
1 Daunte Culpepper
1 Patrick Crayton
1 Maurice Jones-Drew
1 Bobby Engram
1 Larry Fitzgerald
1 DeShaun Foster
1 Joey Galloway
1 Tony Gonzalez
1 Frank Gore
1 Todd Heap
1 Tavis Henry
1 Torry Holt
1 Santonio Holmes
1 Lamont Jordan
1 Andre Johnson
1 Larry Johnson
1 Joe Jurevicius
1 Jamal Lewis
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Adrian Peterson (MIN)
1 Ben Roethlisberger
1 Steve Smith
1 Amani Toomer
1 Javon Walker
1 Roy Williams
1 Jason Wright

TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS WEEK
Willis McGahee

TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS YEAR
3 Willis McGahee
2 Edgerrin James
2 Reggie Wayne
1 Andre Johnson
1 Frank Gore

TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS WEEK
N/A

TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS YEAR
1 LaMont Jordan


4) Zeroes (Players who started and scored no points)

Al - Anquan Boldin INJURY
John – Santana Moss INJURY
Ben – Todd Heap INJURY
Pat – Pierre Thomas
Brad – James Jones
Terry – Jason Avant

5) Almost Heroes (WRs and RBs who did not start and scored 20+ points)

John – Kevin Walter (28.00)
John – Jerrious Norwood (23.80)


6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)

Al – Samie Parker (1.80) INJURY
Jay – Michael Jenkins (4.30)
Jay – Shaun Alexander (3.50)
Jay – Mike Sellers (2.50)
Vinny – Vince Young (6.60)
Vinny – Warrick Dunn (4.80)
Ben – Ms. Chad Pennington (6.60)
Ben – Lav Coles (3.70)
Ben – Brandon Jacobs (9.80)
Pat – Gus Frerotte (10.60)
Brad – Sammy Morris (1.40) INJURY
Brad – Chris Brown (2.60) INJURY
Mike – Tavaris Jackson (10.80)
Mike – Brian Leonard (7.10)
Mike – Ahman Green (6.80)
Rice – Ladell Betts (6.10)
Terry – Marion Barber (7.90)


7) Haiku of the Week

LT, A-Pete score!
Top teams get separation
Rainbows not so gay…

8) The Office Quote of the Week

Dwight: The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, the women would bear many children. So we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter, and there weren't enough grains for vegetables... they would eat the weakest of the brood.

[laughs]

No, they didn't eat the children... It never came to that.

Odds to Win CFFL Championsip: Week 5

DISCLAIMER: Odds for informational purposes only

Five For Fighting

(These top four are indistinguishable. Listed by total points)
4-1 Donkey Punchers - (Who's the QB going forward? He has two RB3s, but no RB2. Good thing he has Joseph "LT" Addai)
4-1 Johnny Gay Rainbows (Injured WRs killing him, Will A-Pete keep it up? Or is this another team with one awesome RB and a RB3?)
4-1 Ambulance Chasers (Two good RBs, but will the WRs pan out?)
4-1 Brown B-Rads (Brady and Watson and a bunch of question marks... and that includes Steve Smith, buddy. Still, a good year to have Patriots...)
5-1 SK Warriors (No depth, but cant argue with first place and a 4-1 record. 3/4 more wins to a playoff spot. RBs are a bit weak, but has 4 great WRs... might be time for a trade to solve the RB solution?)

U2
8-1 RI Colts (Unlucky team, lots of RB2s, but who is going to step it up?)
8-1 Stump The Skorupe (Ahman Green coming back, now just waiting on SJax)

2 Live Crew
16-1 GOODFELLAS (What the hell happened to Team Romo? Shaun sucks, and Jamal is hurt... this team is falling quickly. SELL! SELL! SELL!)
18-1 Cincinnati Bowties (Middle of the road team, not particularly impressive in any area, but not terrible anywhere either.)

Three Dog Night
20-1 Channel 4 News Team (Stepped it up this week. None of his RBs have really panned out though, and he's thin all over.)
20-1 Rookie (Gigantic win over the Rainbows puts him in the thick of things. Does he have enough? No great strengths, but no terrible weaknesses.)
25-1 Beasts (In the win column finally, but dug himself a hole. He will need everything to break right to have a chance. At least he let the league know he wouldnt be finishing in last.)

The Who
30-1 BAD NEWZ KENNELZ (On life support. Roster has holes, but with a little luck he could be in playoff contention. Gotta get some wins any way he can, because his low point total puts him in a hole.)

Celine Dion
500-1 Spank It Boyz (I think we've got a flatliner here, folks. If he loses this week I'm calling it. Must win game against the Punchers.)


RANKING BY POINT TOTALS

662.75 - Donkey Punchers
661.05 - RI Colts
657.30 - Johnny Gay Rainbows
652.80 - Ambulance Chasers
596.75 - SK Warriors
583.95 - Brown B-Rads
578.75 - Cincinnati Bowties
572.45 - Channel 4 News Team
567.05 - Stump The Skorupe
564.10 - The Beasts
559.35 - Strat Man
543.30 - GOODFELLAS
509.95 - BAD NEWZ KENNELZ
490.15 - Spank It Boyz

Still 4 Elite teams, SK Warriors and Brown B-Rads gaining ground though. We are getting some seperation at the bottom though. How long until the Wins and Losses catch up with the Point totals? We saw that happen to a large degree this week.

Odds will be updated weekly

MANAGER OF THE YEAR: WEEK 5

MANAGER OF THE YEAR

This is a new feature. Ive decided on a scoring system based on weekly performance to determine the manager of the year. Thing such as Zeroes or your player going for 50 points will earn you manager points. The player with the most of these arbitrarily decided points at the end of the year will be declared "manager of the year." Feel free to double check me, but as points can be randomly awared you should 1) phrase the email nicely; and 2) assume I ignored it on purpose because I hate you.

The Scoring System:

+10 Most team points in the week
+10 Star of the week
-5 Zero
-1 Almost Zero
-3 Almost Hero
+1 130+ points
+2 140+ points
+5 150+ points
+10 175+ points
+20 200+ points
- 5 80- points
-10 70- points
-15 60- points
+5 Player on your team scores 40+ points
+10 Player on your team scores 50+ points


STANDINGS

JOHN 31
AL 20
JOE 13
MIKE 7
RICE 4
TOM 4
BRAD 3
JAY -6
STEVE -7
VINNY -8
PAT -12
GEORGE -12
BEN -13
TERRY -36


JOHN 31
-3 Almost Hero (Michael Turner, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Joey Harrington, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Jerious Norwood, Week 5)

AL 20
-1 Almost Zero (Lee Evans, Week 5)
+10 Star of the week (Ronnie Brown, Week 5)

JOE 13
-5 Zero (Santonio Holmes, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (David Carr, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Moose Muhammed, Week 5)
+10 Star of the week ((Kenton Keith, Week 5)

MIKE 7
-1 Almost Zero (Ben Roethlisajhfkdsjfhgger, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (TO, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Lendale White, Week 5)

RICE 4
-1 Almost Zero (Mike Furrey, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Thomas Jones, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Ladell Betts, Week 5)

TOM 4
-1 Almost Zero (Fred Taylor, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Kevin Jones, Week 5)

BRAD 3
-1 Almost Zero (Darrell Jackson, Week 5)
+10 Star of the week (Ben Watson, Week 5)

JAY -6
- 5 80- points (Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Ocho Cinco, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Bobby Engram, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Michael Jenkins, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Shaun Alexander, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Jamal Lewis, Week 5)

STEVE -7
-1 Almost Zero (Trent Edwards, Week 5)

VINNY -8
-1 Almost Zero (Vince Young, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Warrick Dunn, Week 5)

PAT -12
-1 Almost Zero (Jon Kitna, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Bernard Berrian, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Deangelo Williams, Week 5)

GEORGE -12
-3 Almost Hero (Najeh Davenport, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Drew Brees, Week 5)

BEN -13
-5 Zero (Todd Heap, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (DeShaun Foster, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Larry Johnson, Week 5)

TERRY -36
- 5 80- points (Week 5)
-3 Almost Hero (MoJo Drew, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Deion Branch, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Chris Chambers, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Joe Jurevicius, Week 5)
-1 Almost Zero (Travis Henry, Week 5)


NEXT WEEK IS A CANES/TERPS BONUS WEEK!

+5 Points if your team star went to the University of Miami or Maryland.
-10 Points if any Hurricane or Terp on your team is a Zero or Almost Zero(Once per team)

WEEKLY REVIEW: WEEK 5

1) Matchups

AMBULANCE CHASERS vs. THE SPANK IT BOYZ
Ambulance Chasers win the "Columbus Day Massacre"
121.10 – 74.50
Team Stars
Chasers: Ronnie Brown (26.30)
Boyz: NONE (That is it! If you score under 80 points and no one on your team has 16 points then NO ONE IS GETTING A TEAM STAR. Im not giving it to Matt Schaub and his 15.30 points and Im certainly not giving it to Marion Barber and his 13.30. No one deserves a team star, and its really not a team accomplishment anyway.)

Awesomeness. Tradition. Dominance. That is the Ambulance Chaser way. Finally with a winning record for the year. Ronnie Brown is running wild and has the Browns next week. Looking good. Put me down for a playoff spot, and if I beat two of the trio of Jay, Tom, and Mike then I’m probably getting a bye. Tough schedule coming up next three weeks, but after that its clear sailing.

Terry, I really want to just remove you from the Manager of the Year rankings but I have a feeling that I need to keep you on there for humorous effect… your score is going to be just stupid by the end of the year.



THE BROWN B-RADS vs. THE GOODFELLAS
The B-Rads win the “Andoscia Brothers Twin Killing Bowl”
117.35 – 70.35
Team Stars
B-Rads: Ben Watson (29.80)
FELLAS: Tony Romo (24.15)

For the second week in a row Brad faces an opponent that scores only 70 points. For the second week in a row Brad wins. For the second week in a row Brad will be bitching that Ive treated him unfairly in the odds article. Yawn.

One thing that sucks for Brad is Watson getting his team star this week, because you have to believe Brady has a decent chance at Fantasy MVP. Hey, at least Randy Moss didn’t get any more stars this week.

Jay should probably change his team name to “Team Tony Romo.” How the hell did he put up 24 points? I just watched that game and he was absolutely terrible. He did everything he could to try and lose to the Bills.


DONKEY PUNCHERS vs. CINCINNATI BOWTIES

Punchers win the "Congratulations Vinny and Brenda Bowl”
118.35 – 113.75
Team Stars
Punchers: Kenton Keith (32.80) and Jason Witten (25.30)
Bowties: Willis McGahee (20.60)

This game had an incredible finish. Joe was trailing by 20 points going into MNF. Vinny was all done but Joe still had Jason Witten left. Witten started off the game with a bang and caught a ridiculous TD. Joe had pulled within 3 points when Tony Romo decided to do his best Drew Bledsoe impression. Cowboys era Bledsoe. So it doesn’t look like Witten is going to get another catch… we’re in the fourth quarter and the Cowboys turn the ball over a couple times where it looks like the Bills will be able to run down the clock. Bam! Minute left they get it back and on the last drive they manage to get Witten the ball three or so more times. Joe pulls out the victory. That’s why Witten gets a star.

Another strange thing is that this was the highest scoring game of the week. It was like every team decided they were going to reign in the offenses this week. Consider yourself very lucky if you managed to get a win this week.


STUMP THE SKORUPE vs CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM
Rice wins the “TO screwed the pooch Bowl”
119.60 – 110.50
Team Stars
Stump: Plaxico Burress (23.40)

I’m Ron Burgundy?: Antonio Gates (24.30)

Okay, so back to that Monday night game… Same situation here. Rice all done with a lead. Mike down 13 points with just TO left. Now, the smart money would have been TO coming through and Witten falling short… but TO couldn’t seal the deal. 4.50 points for Mr. Owens. A number of drops and a really crappy effort on a critical two point conversion. Last week Owens only had 6 points as well. What’s going on in Dallas? Romo’s fault most likely.

Figures too, I had just about left Rice’s team for dead and he nearly had the highest point total this week.


RI COLTS vs. SK WARRIORS
Warriors win the “I cant come up with a name Bowl”
123.10 -88.55
Team Stars
Colts: Peyton Manning (20.65)
Warriors: Reggie Bush (20.90)

Ouch. The Colts lay up a stinker here. Bye week issues hurt. Im still surprised by Steve’s team, but you cant argue with this success. Heck. He’s 3 wins from a playoff spot most likely.
Tom has been as unlucky as anyone. The league leader in points now has a losing record. It probably wont last, but the top teams have to be glad for now.


THE BEASTS vs. BAD NEWZ KENNELZ
Beasts win the “George gets in the Win Column Bowl”
99.50 – 84.30
Team Stars
Beasts: Patrick Crayton (19.30)
Kennelz: Larry Fitzgerald (28.60)

George finally gets a well deserved win. Its kind of amazing how quickly George and Ben don’t look like the worst teams in the league anymore despite their awful starts.

Id like to knock Pat’s team more, but every single one of us would have taken Frank Gore there, or at the very least one spot later… Probably could have won here too, except for a terrible performance from Jon Kitna, who has been his MVP so far.

That sound you hear is Randy Moss and FWP falling back to Earth…



STRATEGO vs. JOHNNY GAY RAINBOWS
Stratosphere wins the “What the hell happened to my QB’s???? Bowl”
101.15 – 98.15
Team Stars
Strat: Big Play Torry Holt (21.90)
JGR: LT (17.00)

Ok, so lets face facts. LT is no longer LT. He’s still the best RB in fantasy football and would still be the number one overall pick, but the days of three TDs every week are over… thanks to Norv Turner.

Ouch, Johnny, ouch. No A-Pete for one week and youre fucking losing to Ben. I don’t think I want to know what its like to have to choose between Joey Harrington and Daunte Culpepper at QB. What are you? The 2006 Dolphins? Newsflash, buddy, THEY SUCKED! Well, youre coming very close to squandering the first overall pick with a shitty supporting cast. To be fair, 98 points wasn’t that bad and your top two WRs were hurt, but shit… you put Ben right back in this thing.

Speaking of which, congratulations to Ben. The rest of the league thanks you for beating John. Seriously folks, is this league wide open or what?


2) Bets

CASALI LIQUORS CUP
Stump the Skorupe 1-0
RI Colts 1-0
Ambulance Chasers 0-0
George 0-2


AL and MIKE’s WRs
-Who has the better wideouts? Decided by total points on the year
MIKE: 228.1
AL: 167.1

FUCK. This one is over. Thanks, Lee Evans, you piece of shit.


AL & GEORGE TOTAL POINTS
AL: 652.80
GY: 564.1

SWEET… almost a week’s worth of points ahead of George.


PAT & TERRY BETTER RECORD
PAT: 2-3
TERRY: 1-4


JOHN, BRAD, JOE: You should all be fucking ashamed of yourselves for not making a side bet yet. Consider this an official warning.


3) Heroes

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
123.10 - SK Warriors vs. RI Colts

MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
32.80 – Kenton Keith – Donkey Punchers

MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
147.20 – Tony Romo – Jay
133.75 – Tom Brady – Brad
131.10 – Randy Moss - GY
128.20 – Ronnie Brown – Al
114.25 – Derek Anderson – Terry
112.35 – Brett Favre – Jay
111.95 – Peyton Manning – Tom
107.00 – Plaxico Burress – Mike
106.90 – Antonio Gates – Rice
105.20 – TJ Houshmafjdfhajfhergdhshgdsjdeh - Joe

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
171.95 – Channel 4 News Team vs. Cincinnati Bowties (Wk 2)
171.00 – Ambulance Chasers vs. Donkey Punchers (Week 3)
165.25 – RI Colts vs. Rookie (Week 3)
158.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. RI Colts (Week 1)
154.00 – Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. GY (Week 3)
150.10 - Cincinnati Bowties vs. Channel 4 News Team (Wk 2)
149.20 – Donkey Punchers vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Wk 4)
147.70 – RI Colts vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 1)
139.75 – Donkey Punchers vs. Ambulance Chasers (Wk 3)
139.20 – SK Warriors vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 3)

MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
51.10 – Kevin Curtis vs. DET (Week 3) – John
47.10 – Ronnie Brown vs. NYJ (Week 3) – Al
45.10 – Brian Westbrook vs. DET (Week3) - Tom
45.05 – Carson Palmer vs. CLE (Week 2) - Rice
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL (Week 1) - Mike
44.10 – Anquan Boldin vs. BAL (Week 3) - Al
43.90 – Ocho Cinco vs. CLE (Week 2) - Vinny
41.30 – Steve Smith vs. HOU (Week 2) - Brad
40.35 - Tony Romo vs. NYG (Week 1) – Terry
37.35 – Tony Romo vs. STL (Week 4) – Jay
35.75 – Donovan McNabb vs DET (Week 3) - Terry
35.40 – Roy Williams vs. PHI (Week 3) - Steve
34.60 – Braylon Edwards vs. CIN (Week 2) - Rice
33.30 - Randy Moss vs. NYJ (Week 1) – George
32.80 – Kenton Keith vs. TB (Week 5) - Joe
32.70 – Ronnie Brown vs. OAK (Week 4) - Al
32.55 – Daunte Culpepper vs. MIA (Week 4) – John
31.20 – Randy Moss vs. CIN (Week 4) - George
31.00 – Andre Johnson vs. CAR (Week 2) – John
30.90 – LaMont Jordan vs. DET (Week 1) – Tom


STAR OF THE WEEK (Worth an extra star)

Alright… couldn’t give it straight up to backup RB, so I decided on a three way split. Kenton Keith for scoring the most points, Ronnie Brown for scoring the second most points – and for doing that for the third week straight, and Ben Watson because he was third in scoring and 30 points from a TE is ridiculous. So:

Kenton Keith vs. TB
Ronnie Brown vs. HOU
Ben Watson vs. CLE


TEAM STARS LEADERS (Most Stars at end of season = Fantasy MVP)
4 Ronnie Brown
4 Randy Moss
4 Tony Romo

3 Tom Brady
3 Plaxico Burress
3 Antonio Gates

2 Ocho Cinco
2 Lav Coles
2 Kevin Curtis
2 TJ Houshmanzadeh
2 Edgerrin James
2 Kenton Keith
2 Jon Kitna
2 Peyton Manning
2 Willis McGahee
2 Terrell Owens
2 Carson Palmer
2 LaDainian Tomlinson
2 Ben Watson
2 Reggie Wayne
2 Brian Westbrook
2 Jason Witten

1 Anquan Boldin
1 Deion Branch
1 Dwayne Bowe
1 Reggie Bush
1 Dallas Clark
1 Daunte Culpepper
1 Patrick Crayton
1 Braylon Edwards
1 Larry Fitzgerald
1 DeShaun Foster
1 Joey Galloway
1 Frank Gore
1 Todd Heap
1 Tavis Henry
1 Torry Holt
1 Santonio Holmes
1 Lamont Jordan
1 Andre Johnson
1 Joe Jurevicius
1 Jamal Lewis
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Ben Roethlisberger
1 Steve Smith
1 Javon Walker
1 Roy Williams



TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS WEEK
Willis McGahee

TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS YEAR
2 Edgerrin James
2 Willis McGahee
2 Reggie Wayne
1 Andre Johnson
1 Frank Gore

TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS WEEK
N/A

TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS YEAR
1 LaMont Jordan


4) Zeroes (Players who started and scored no points)

Joe – Santonio Holmes
Ben – Todd Heap

5) Almost Heroes (WRs and RBs who did not start and scored 20+ points)

Terry – Mojo Drew
George – Najeh Davenport
John – Michael Turner

6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)

Ben – Larry Johnson (6.50)
Ben – DeShaun Foster (5.90)
John – Joey Harrington (4.35)
John – Jerious Norwood (4.70)
GY – Drew Brees (12.60)
Pat – Jon Kitna (5.60)
Pat – Bernard Berrian (2.00) INJURY
Pat – DeAngelo Williams (2.30)
Tom- Fred Taylor (7.00)
Tom – Kevin Jones (8.50)
Steve – Trent Edwards (9.40)
Mike – Ben Roethlisajhfkdsjfhgger (14.40)
Mike – TO (4.50)
Mike – Lendale White (3.20)
Rice – Mike Furrey (2.40)
Rice – Thomas Jones (7.00)
Rice – Ladell Betts (5.00)
Joe – David Carr (10.55)
Joe – Moose Muhammed (2.70)
Vinny – Vince Young (10.55)
Vinny – Warrick Dunn (5.90)
Brad – Darrell Jackson (2.60)
Jay – Ocho Cinco (1.30)
Jay – Bobby Engram (4.50)
Jay – Michael Jenkins (1.20) All THREE WRs? Wow…
Jay – Shaun Alexander (6.20)
Jay – Jamal Lewis (1.10) INJURY – HOLY SHIT, ALL 3 WRs AND BOTH RBS????
Al – Lee Evans (2.20)
Terry – Deion Branch (3.40) INJURY
Terry – Chris Chambers (3.90)
Terry – Joe Jurevicius (2.70) THE ANDOSCIA BROTHERS started SIX WRs this week…. SIX ALMOST ZEROES. Jesus. Did you guys get drunk and gang rape a gypsy? What the hell?
Terry – Travis Henry (6.50)


7) Haiku of the Week

League-wide scoring down
The standings are tightly packed
Rainbows get shot down!


8) The Office Quote of the Week

Michael Scott: Kelly, you're Hindu so... you believe in Buddha.
Kelly: That's Buddhists.
Michael Scott: Umm.. Are you sure?
Kelly: No.

Odds to win CFFL Championship: Week 4

DISCLAIMER: Odds for informational purposes only

The Front Runner
3-1 Johnny Gay Rainbows (Can Adrian Peterson keep it up? If not then he doesnt look so good)

Highway to the Danger Zone
5-1 RI Colts (In trouble with injuries, but has lots of depth)
7-1 Donkey Punchers (Benson has to pick it up)
7-1 Ambulance Chasers (These three teams and JGR all have 531+ points, then the team with the fifth most points has 473.)

In Good Shape
8-1 Brown B-Rads (RBs arent exactly impressive... should have had 20 more points if he had started Sammy Mo over Larry)
9-1 THE GOODFELLAS (Solid, lack of depth is frightening)
10-1 SK Warriors (How's he doing it with those RBs?)
10-1 Stump the Skorupe (Good W-L record, but 10 teams have outscored him)

Teetering
15-1 Cincinnati Bowties (RB2 is a gigantic question mark, but he has a few options that could pan out)
15-1 BAD NEWZ KENNELZ (Caddy strikes again)

Tottering
20-1 The Strat Men (Finally in the W column, scored more points that Stump, could vault himself into playoff contention with Brandon Jacobs returning)
25-1 Channel 4 News Team (No depth, some injuries, and mediocre talent... going nowhere right now)
30-1 The Beasts (Had some bad luck, decent point total and an easier schedule coming... a cornered animal can be dangerous...)

Nosedive
100-1 Spank It Boyz (Apparently someone doesnt have time for both an EMT course and Fantasy Football. Oh, did I mention Stump is ALSO in an EMT course??? Travis Henry is gone-zo now, too... hear that sound, Terry? That's the sound of your season slipping away)

For reference(and to help the slower learners understand why their 3-1 teams are behind 2-2 teams in the odds) here are the teams listed by point totals:

572.50 - RI Colts

559.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows

544.50 - Donkey Punchers

531.70 - Ambulance Chasers

(Notice this gigantic gap in points here - the difference between teams 4 and 5 by points is more than 2 times the difference between teams 5 and 12...)

473.65 - SK Warriors

472.95 - THE GOODFELLAS

466.60 - The Brown B-Rads

465.00 - Cincinnati Bowties

464.60 - The Beasts

458.20 - The Strat Men

456.55 - Stump The Skorupe

452.85 - Channel 4 News Team

425.65 - BAD NEWZ KENNELZ

415.65 - Spank It Boyz

Bottom line is that its so early that the records can still be poor indicators of team strength. At some point wins are all that matters, but 1 game differences at this early stage combined with large point differences and losses to tough teams means Im seeing 4 elite teams, one really bad team and a bunch of tightly packed teams in contention.

MANAGER OF THE YEAR: WEEK 4

MANAGER OF THE YEAR

This is a new feature. Ive decided on a scoring system based on weekly performance to determine the manager of the year. Thing such as Zeroes or your player going for 50 points will earn you manager points. The player with the most of these arbitrarily decided points at the end of the year will be declared "manager of the year." Feel free to double check me, but as points can be randomly awared you should 1) phrase the email nicely; and 2) assume I ignored it on purpose because I hate you. The Scoring System:


+10 Most team points in the week
+10 Star of the week
-5 Zero
-1 Almost Zero
-3 Almost Hero
+1 130+ points
+2 140+ points
+5 150+ points
+10 175+ points
+20 200+ points
- 5 80- points
-10 70- points
-15 60- points
+5 Player on your team scores 40+ points
+10 Player on your team scores 50+ points


STANDINGS

JOHN 36
AL 11
JOE 10
MIKE 10
RICE 7
TOM 6
JAY 4
BRAD -6
VINNY -6
BEN -6
GY -8
PAT -9
STEVE -16
TERRY -25


RICE
-5 Zero (Hines Ward, Week 4)
-5 Zero (Rudi Johnson, Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Thomas Jones, Week 4)

JOHN
-1 Almost Zero (Kevin Curtis, Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Drew Bennett, Week 4)

MIKE
-1 Almost Zero (Brian Leonard, Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Maurice Morris, Week 4)

JAY
+10 Star of the week (Tony Romo, Week 4)
-5 Zero (Calvin Johnson, Week 4)
-3 Almost Hero (Marvin Harrison, Week 4)
-3 Almost Hero (Shaun Alexander, Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Michael Jenkins, Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Jerry Porter, Week 4)

BRAD
-5 Zero (Larry Maroney, Week 4)
-3 Almost Hero (Sammy Morris, Week 4)

VINNY
-1 Almost Zero (Ruben Droughns, Week 4)

JOE
+10 Most team points in the week (Week 4)
+2 140+ points (Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Marc Bulger, Week 4)

TOM
-1 Almost Zero (Ronald Curry, Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Lamont Jordan, Week 4)

AL
+1 130+ points (Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Isaac Bruce, Week 4)
-3 Almost Hero (Leon Washington, Week 4)

GY
-1 Almost Zero (Vernand Morency, Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Nate Burleson, Week 4)

BEN
N/A

PAT
+1 130+ points (Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Caddy Williams, Week 4)

TERRY
- 5 80- points (Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Donovan McNabb, Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Chris Chambers, Week 4)
-1 Almost Zero (Marion Barber III, Week 4)

Victory Parade

The Ambulance Chasers were lauded by their fans in a victory parade today downtown. It is estimated 4 billion people showed up to celebrate the team's fourth AND fifth titles.

Here are some shots of the celebration:





I thought this would also be a good time to check in on some of the league's other premier players whose seasons didnt have quite so happy an ending...

Travis Hafner:

Vlad Guerrero:



and, of course, Derek Jeter:

Keep Reachin for that rainbow, boys...