WEEKLY REVIEW: WEEK 8

Sorry for the lack of updates guys. Ive been very busy the last week or two. Super special double week Manager of the Year and Odds coming up.


1) Matchups


AMBULANCE CHASERS vs. RI COLTS
Colts win the “Fantasy Manning Bowl”
122.95 – 112.55
Team Stars
Chasers: Lee Evans (24.80)
Colts: Marques Colston (34.50)

Tom gets me again. I knew this stretch was going to be tough and I almost came away with a victory each time so I cant feel bad. Sure hurts when a guy like Colston does jack shit all year and then goes off against you costing you the week though.

For reference, the following players on my team had byes: QB(Hasselbeck), RB1(Edge), WR1(Anquan), TE(Gonzo). That’s a lot of firepower out of action. I really like my chances going forward. Speaking of which, Tom made two trades that really help his team. Unfortunately LaMont started to fall apart at the same time, really putting the pressure on his RB2 spot, but those trades still give him the best shot to make the playoffs.



CINCINNATI BOWTIES vs. GOODFELLAS
Bowties win the “No Romo, No Win-O Bowl”
119.35 – 66.65
Team Stars
Bowties: Greg Jennings (26.10)
Fellas: Brett Favre (24.55)

Jay, Jay, Jay. That was pathetic.

Vinny looks pretty good again. I like what he did with the K2 trade. He couldn’t make the playoffs with those RBs. Still, it hurts so much to give up The Soldier. You cant even approximate that kind of production from your TE. It’s a bold move. I think I would have tried (and failed at) some half ass solutions first.


BAD NEWZ KENNELZ vs. SK WARRIORS
Warriors win the “You traded your best player for 3 guys, 2 of which you started and scored a combined, that’s right COMBINED, 2.90 points – All in the name of winning this week?? What??”
164.00 – 51.60
Team Stars
Kennelz: Nope.
Warriors: Reggie Bruce “Im Batman” Wayne (29.80)

I don’t understand that Fitzgerald trade one bit. The one thing Pat had going for him was an inordinate amount of wins so far. I would have tried to maximize my scoring in order to do some damage down the stretch. I didn’t see this as a must win week. And even if this was a must win week, the chances of Pat winning were very poor, so much so that it wasn’t worth using valuable resources and giving up future leverage in order to minutely increase the chances of winning Week 8 from “none” to “slim.”

Very impressive week from Steve. The WRs are clicking. You’ve almost caught me in points(well, like 30, but still…). 160 points two weeks in a row… against Pat and Ben… what the fuck is that? Are you running up the score like the Patsies? You better be careful or someone’s going to take out your players like theyre going to take out Brady in real life. You cant win CFFL OR NFL titles with Matt Cassell, man. Seriously, though, that’s like 150 points you wasted here.


BROWN B-RADS vs. THE BEASTS
B-Rads win a nailbiter
109.60 – 109.10
Team Stars
B-Rads: Shocker – Tom Brady (40.70)
Beasts: Drew Brees (32.80)

This one was a classic. It went down to the wire. Brad was down by 19 points going into MNF. George was already done, while Brad had only James Jones remaining. Now, needless to say, most would not expect Jones to get 20 points… and he didn’t. He did get 19.70 though, which was enough to put Brad ahead by .50 points. George continues his unlucky season. Let this be a warning to all: the fantasy Gods punish those who aren’t there for the draft.

This was one of two games this week where the league should get together and beat the crap out of a guy for letting one of the top teams off the hook.





SPANKED BOYZ vs JOHNNY GAY RAINBOWS
Rainbows win the “Terry is a fucking idiot Bowl”
92.75 – 86.55
Team Stars
Boyz: Donovan McNabb (21.95)
JGR: Wes Welker (23.90)

This was the other fucking game. Terry should be thrown out of the league for incompetence. John did everything humanly possible to lose this game. Terry starts Marcus Pollard, who had surgery a couple weeks back and is on a bye. If he had just picked up any fucking tight end he would have beaten him. Unbelievable.

This has caused me to create a new award. The last place in manager of the year will now receive the “Spanky” trophy(name is still under discussion).

Honestly, the fact John and Brad won these two games is sickening.



DONKEY PUNCHERS vs. STUMP THE SKORUPE
Punchers win a yawner
142.00 – 97.70
Team Stars
Punchers: Joseph Addai (30.90)
Stumpers: Ben Roethlisbfdfefahghukfser (20.40)

Here’s a top team that deserved to win. Mike could blame the poor field at Wembley stadium for fucking up Plax and Amani, or he could blame SJax for getting hurt again. In the end, he wasn’t coming close even if none of that happened. On the upside, Mike’s team is playing well. Unfortunately, he just traded for Vincent Jackson, or, as I like to call him, “the Cooler.” Good luck with that.

Joe is steamrolling. Brad and Joe have each won 5 in a row. Looking like a magical season for the Punchers. TE bye week? Oh, Ill just pick up Tony Scheffler – 12 points.



ROOKIE vs. CH. 4 NEWS TEAM
The San Francisco Treat wins the “Chad Pennington is a fag Bowl”
152.85 – 87.40
Team Stars
Rookie: Torry Holt (23.00)
Team: Braylon Edwards (31.70)

Rice is suddenly looking very good. How good is Braylon Edwards? He could be looking at a championship run if(when) Clinton Portis gets hurt and if Carson Palmer weren’t having such a down year.

Ben is in trouble again I suppose, but this thing is so friggin wide open. Everyone in the league is back to back wins from looking like a championship contender.



2) Bets
CASALI LIQUORS CUP
Stump the Skorupe 2-0
RI Colts 2-0
Ambulance Chasers 0-2
George 0-2


The Cup will find a new home in 2007-08, as your Ambulance Chasers have been eliminated. Bye weeks falling at the wrong time... had to lose the battle to win the war. Interesting this wont be settled until the final week of the season when Mike and Tom play eachother.


AL and MIKE’s WRs
-Who has the better wideouts? Decided by total points on the year
MIKE: 352.70
AL: 270.90

I still suck.


AL & GEORGE TOTAL POINTS
AL: 1006.10
GY: 93.730

Still have a decent lead, but it is by no means unassailable.


PAT & TERRY BETTER RECORD
PAT: 3-5
TERRY: 1-7


JOE & JOHN

Congratulations to John and Joe on making a bet. Brad, a ritual suicide is in order.

Oh, could you fucking morons now tell me what the fucking bet is?



3) Heroes


MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
164.00 – BAD NEWZ KENNELZ vs. SK Warriors (Week 8)


MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
40.70 – Tom Brady – Brown B-Rads


MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
256.05 – Tom Brady – Brad
190.90 – Randy Moss – George
183.30 – Tony Homo – Jay
175.90 – TJ Houshmadhfhefhafkjhddeh – Joe
170.10 – Ronnie Brown – Al
170.10 – Derek Anderson – Terry
157.90 - Braylon Edwards – Rice
156.60 – Wes Welker – John
155.65 – LT – John
155.65 – Peyton Manning - Tom


MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
192.30 – JGR vs. Cincinnati Bowties (Week 6)
171.95 – Channel 4 News Team vs. Cincinnati Bowties (Week 2)
171.00 – Ambulance Chasers vs. Donkey Punchers (Week 3)
165.25 – RI Colts vs. Rookie (Week 3)
164.70 – Rookie vs. SK Warriors (Week 7)
164.00 – BAD NEWZ KENNELZ vs. SK Warriors (Week 8)
162.35 – The Beasts vs. Channel 4 News Team (Week 7)
161.90 – Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. BAD NEWZ KENNELZ (Week 7)
158.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. RI Colts (Week 1)
154.00 – Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. GY (Week 3)
152.85 - Channel 4 News Team vs. Rookie (Week 8)
150.10 - Cincinnati Bowties vs. Channel 4 News Team (Week 2)
149.20 – Donkey Punchers vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 4)
147.70 – RI Colts vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 1)
142.00 – Donkey Punchers vs. Stump the Skorupe (Week 8)
139.75 – Donkey Punchers vs. Ambulance Chasers (Week 3)
139.50 – Brown B-Rads vs. RI Colts (Week 7)
139.20 – SK Warriors vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 3)


MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
51.10 – Kevin Curtis vs. DET (Week 3) – John
48.40 – LT vs OAK (Week 6) - John
47.10 – Ronnie Brown vs. NYJ (Week 3) – Al
45.10 – Brian Westbrook vs. DET (Week3) - Tom
45.05 – Carson Palmer vs. CLE (Week 2) - Rice
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL (Week 1) - Mike
44.10 – Anquan Boldin vs. BAL (Week 3) - Al
43.90 – Ocho Cinco vs. CLE (Week 2) - Vinny
42.30 – Adrian Peterson vs. CHI (Week 6) - John
41.70 – Tom Brady vs. WAS(Week 8) - Brad
41.30 – Steve Smith vs. HOU (Week 2) - Brad
40.70 – Tom Brady vs. MIA (Week 7) - Brad
40.35 - Tony Romo vs. NYG (Week 1) – Terry
39.90 –Tom Brady vs. DAL (Week 6) - Brad
37.35 – Tony Romo vs. STL (Week 4) – Jay
36.70 –Kenny Watson vs. NYJ (Week 7) - Ben
35.75 – Donovan McNabb vs DET (Week 3) - Terry
35.40 – Roy Williams vs. PHI (Week 3) - Steve
35.40 – Wes Welker vs DAL (Week 6) - John
34.80 – Wes Welker vs. MIA (Week 7) - John
34.60 – Braylon Edwards vs. CIN (Week 2) - Rice
34.50 – TJ Houshmadhfjkahhehfdeh vs. KC (Week 6) - Joe
34.50 – Marques Colston vs. SF (Week 8) - Tom
34.40 – MoJo Drew vs. HOU (Week 6) - Terry
33.30 – Lav Coles vs. CIN (Week 7) - Ben
33.30 - Randy Moss vs. NYJ (Week 1) – George
32.80 – Kenton Keith vs. TB (Week 5) - Joe
32.80 – Drew Brees vs. SF (Week 8) - George
32.70 – Ronnie Brown vs. OAK (Week 4) - Al
32.55 – Daunte Culpepper vs. MIA (Week 4) – John



STAR OF THE WEEK (Worth an extra star)

Tom Brady vs. WAS – Brown B-Rads


TEAM STARS LEADERS (Most Stars at end of season = Fantasy MVP)

8 Tom Brady

5 Randy Moss
5 Tony Romo

4 Ronnie Brown
4 Plaxico Burress
4 LaDainian Tomlinson

3 Lav Coles
3 Braylon Edwards
3 Antonio Gates
3 TJ Houshmanzadeh
3 Peyton Manning
3 Willis McGahee
3 Ben Roethlisberger
3 Reggie Wayne
3 Brian Westbrook

2 Anquan Boldin
2 Ocho Cinco
2 Kevin Curtis
2 Larry Fitzgerald
2 Torry Holt
2 Edgerrin James
2 Kenton Keith
2 Jon Kitna
2 Donovan McNabb
2 Terrell Owens
2 Carson Palmer
2 Ben Watson
2 Wes Welker
2 Jason Witten

1 Joseph Addai
1 Bernard Berrian
1 Deion Branch
1 Drew Brees
1 Dwayne Bowe
1 Reggie Bush
1 Dallas Clark
1 Marques Colston
1 Chris Cooley
1 Daunte Culpepper
1 Patrick Crayton
1 Jay Cutler
1 Greg Jennings
1 Maurice Jones-Drew
1 Bobby Engram
1 Lee Evans
1 Brett Favre
1 DeShaun Foster
1 Joey Galloway
1 Tony Gonzalez
1 Frank Gore
1 Earnest Graham
1 Todd Heap
1 Tavis Henry
1 Santonio Holmes
1 Lamont Jordan
1 Andre Johnson
1 Larry Johnson
1 Joe Jurevicius
1 Jamal Lewis
1 Chad Pennington
1 Adrian Peterson (MIN)
1 Steve Smith
1 Amani Toomer
1 Javon Walker
1 Hines Ward
1 Roy Williams
1 Roddy White
1 Jason Wright


TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS WEEK
Reggie Wayne

TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS YEAR
3 Willis McGahee
3 Reggie Wayne
2 Edgerrin James
1 Andre Johnson
1 Frank Gore

TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS WEEK
N/A

TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS YEAR
1 LaMont Jordan



4) Zeroes (Players who started and scored no points)

Terry – Marcus Pollard IDIOT
Jay – Marvin Harrison
George – Vincent Jackson

5) Almost Heroes (WRs and RBs who did not start and scored 20+ points)

None

6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)

Al – Eli Manning (11.45)
Tom – LaMont Jordan (1.60)
Jay – Ruben Droughns (2.70)
Jay – Jamal Lewis (6.10)
Pat – Jon Kitna (13.40)
Pat – Roydell Williams (1.30)
Pat – Andre Davis (1.60)
Pat – Frank Gore (5.10)
Pat – DeAngelo Williams (8.50)
Brad – Steve Smith (3.80)
Brad – Marshawn Lynch (9.70)
Terry – Roscoe Parrish (2.20)
Terry – MJD (8.20)
Terry – DeShawn Wynn (0.10) INJURY
John – Daunte Culpepper (9.25)
John – Adrian Peterson (7.00)
Joe – Earnest Graham (8.40)
Mike – Plaxico Burress (3.40)
Mike – Amani Toomer (2.30)
Ben – Chad Pennington (5.80)
Ben – Lav Coles (2.30) INJURY
Ben – Muhsin Muhammed (4.30)
Rice – Carson Palmer (14.45)
Rice – Ladell Betts (0.90)


7) Haiku of the Week

Steve scores One sixty
Brady is star of the week
Both two weeks running…



8) The Office Quote of the Week

Andy: So Michael had a little chat with corporate and they decided to send me to management training. Anger management, technically, but still. Management material.

[gets out of his car]

This whole thing supposed to take ten weeks, but I can be done in five. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and positive reinforcement through nods and smiles. So, don't worry about old Andy Bernard. I'll be back. Just like Rambo, so...

Marcy: Oh, hi. You must be Andy.
Andy: Oh, hi! Yes. I am and you must be... Marcy!
Marcy: That's right, it's so good to meet you.
Andy: It's so good to meet you!
Marcy: Thanks. Well, you ready to have some fun?
Andy: Yeah!