WEEKLY REVIEW: WEEK 6

1) Matchups

AMBULANCE CHASERS vs. THE GOODFELLAS
Ambulance Chasers win the “Andoscia Brothers Sweep Bowl”
125.30 – 92.25
Team Stars
Chasers: Tony Gonzalez (31.20)
FELLAS: Bobby Engram (21.00)

I have now swept the Andoscia brothers(excepting Curly).

The Chasers lost the first two games of the season and some called them dead – I wont name names. 4 weeks later and 4 wins later and theyre sitting pretty at 4-2. Nothing but a tough early schedule(John and Brad) held them back. Ronnie Brown and Edge look pretty good. Theyre not A-Pete and LT, but theyre far better than most.

So... what the hell has happened to Jay’s team?


CINCINNATI BOWTIES vs. JOHNNY GAY RAINBOWS
Rainbows win the “Oh my god, his RBs were ridiculous Bowl”
192.30 – 96.10
Team Stars
Bowties: Willis McGahee (17.00)
Rainbows: LT (48.40) and A-Pete (42.30)

There isn’t a whole lot to say about this one. I mean, I guess Peterson should have gotten more points… he returned a ball 54 yards with a minute to go and the game tied, which essentially got his team the win. I was shocked to see LT with more points.

Poor Vinny… last four weeks he played Brad, Al, Joe and John… 1-3, and that’s only by beating Brad by less than a single point(Brad’s only loss). Most teams will have to play Brad, Al and Joe in order… Im officially calling that “The Gauntlet.” Tom is starting that terrible stretch this week.


ROOKIE vs. BAD NEWZ KENNELZ
Kennelz win the “ Pat has a guy named Pierre on his team and he’s started him twice! Bowl”
96.80 – 78.70
Team Stars
Rookie: Larry Johnson (22.30)
Kennelz: Bernard Berrian (18.80)

Big win for Pat, whose team continues to win in Rockies-like fashion despite a lack of talent and healthy players. Big Loss for Ben, who has a lot of talent but cant get wins for some reason. Good thing for these two that the last playoff spot is like the Mexican Border…. wide open. (Alternatively insert joke about Yo Momma here)

This game was a fiesta of bad starts, but there is a time and place for that… not that it matters, because – although I haven’t run the numbers yet – I do believe John has mathematically locked up Manager of the Year.



THE BROWN B-RADS vs. STUMP THE SKORUPE
B-Rads won the “Thriller in Hotlanta”
114.40 – 110.40
Team Stars
B-Rads: Tom Brady (39.90)
Stump: Amani Toomer (21.90) and Plaxico Burress (21.70)


SICK GAME. Came down to Monday Night. Mike was down a shitload of points. He got 40+ from his two Giants WRs, and for a brief second it was enough. The kicked(pun intended) is that Brad had the G-Men’s kicker, so every TD by those WRs was only worth 5 points. He had a lead. Then they were tied, then on a late field goal by Brad’s kicker Tynes the B-Rads took their final lead. Heartbreak. Mike falls to .500. Brad keeps his league best record and second place standing intact.

If youre wondering why both Giants got team star, its because of the incredible MNF effort. Typically Id only give that out if two players had 35+ points or so, but I feel its justified here.

The weird part? I PREDICTED BEFORE THE GAME THAT MIKE WOULD GET THE POINTS HE NEEDED BUT LOSE ON A LATE FG. Do I have the shine? It seems likely.



RI COLTS vs. CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM
Ron Burgundy wins the “Going opposite directions Bowl”
106.30 – 95.75
Team Stars
Colts: Brian Westbrook (21.60)
News Team: Braylon Edwards (29.70)

Tom drops to 2-4 despite being fourth in the league in points. However Tom is losing his point standings quickly and Rice is closing the gap between his team and the top dogs just as rapidly. The end result is that any team except Terry could still make the playoffs from the 6 seed. In fact, no team in the league is more than 2 games out of the playoffs. Who could make it? ANYONE. Yes, it will still take 7 wins or so, but one of you losers has to make that kind of run. Who is it gonna be?

Tom cant really bitch anyway, as 95 points typically shouldn’t get you a win. This was a very winnable game though, and one that shouldn’t have slipped away. Big, big win for Rice, who looked like he had given up two weeks back. He would be in the playoffs if the season ended today.


DONKEY PUNCHERS vs. SPANK IT BOYZ
Punchers win the “Its all over for Terry Bowl”
138.55 – 111.40
Team Stars
Punchers: TJ Houshmakgdhfaushdeh (34.50)
Boyz: Mojo Drew (34.40)

Terry, the good news is that just one more week and you will be finished with “The Gauntlet.”

Joe had a nice lead on John in points, figured he’d probably keep his placein the standings with nearly 140 points…. Not so fast. JGR decided to go for 190. Still, the top 5 teams all won… and the rich get richer.

Terry actually puts up a decent point total... but it doesnt matter.


THE BEASTS vs. SK WARRIORS
Warriors win the “Is the winning/losing a mirage? Bowl”
123.20 – 101.75
Team Stars
Beasts: Jason Wright (18.80)
Warriors: Chris Cooley (25.50)

Ok, I guess youd be a fool not to believe in Steve’s team at this point. 5-1 means two more wins to the playoffs. Also, I cant go on saying George’s team is better than it looks when he’s sitting at 1-5. Still, George has hope as long as that 6th spot goes unclaimed.



2) Bets

CASALI LIQUORS CUP
Stump the Skorupe 1-0
RI Colts 1-0
Ambulance Chasers 0-0
George 0-2


AL and MIKE’s WRs-Who has the better wideouts? Decided by total points on the year
MIKE: 290.3
AL: 175.8

I suck.


AL & GEORGE TOTAL POINTS
AL: 778.10
GY: 665.85



PAT & TERRY BETTER RECORD
PAT: 3-3
TERRY: 1-5


JOHN, BRAD, JOE: Still cant believe there hasn’t been a side bet between you guys.


3) Heroes

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
192.30 – JGR vs. Cincinnati Bowties (RECORD)


MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
48.40 – LT – JGR


MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
173.65 – Tom Brady – Brown B-Rads
165.05 – Tony Romo – GOODFELLAS
154.20 – Ronnie Brown – Ambulance Chasers
149.00 – Randy Moss – The Beasts
145.80 – Derek Anderson – Spank It Boyz
145.55 – LT – JGR
139.70 – TJ Houshmadkfsfhaehfkadeh – Donkey Punchers
128.70 – Plaxico Burress – Stump The Skorupe
126.20 – Braylon Edwards – Channel 4 News Team
123.65 – Carson Palmer – Channel 4 News Team


MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
192.30 – JGR vs. Cincinnati Bowties (Week 6)
171.95 – Channel 4 News Team vs. Cincinnati Bowties (Wk 2)
171.00 – Ambulance Chasers vs. Donkey Punchers (Wk 3)
165.25 – RI Colts vs. Rookie (Week 3)
158.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. RI Colts (Week 1)
154.00 – Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. GY (Week 3)
150.10 - Cincinnati Bowties vs. Channel 4 News Team (Wk 2)
149.20 – Donkey Punchers vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Wk 4)
147.70 – RI Colts vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 1)
139.75 – Donkey Punchers vs. Ambulance Chasers (Wk 3)
139.20 – SK Warriors vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 3)


MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
51.10 – Kevin Curtis vs. DET (Week 3) – John
48.40 – LT vs OAK (Week 6) - John
47.10 – Ronnie Brown vs. NYJ (Week 3) – Al
45.10 – Brian Westbrook vs. DET (Week3) - Tom
45.05 – Carson Palmer vs. CLE (Week 2) - Rice
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL (Week 1) - Mike
44.10 – Anquan Boldin vs. BAL (Week 3) - Al
43.90 – Ocho Cinco vs. CLE (Week 2) - Vinny
42.30 – Adrian Peterson vs. CHI (Week 6) - John
41.30 – Steve Smith vs. HOU (Week 2) - Brad
40.35 - Tony Romo vs. NYG (Week 1) – Terry
39.90 –Tom Brady vs. DAL (Week 6) - Brad
37.35 – Tony Romo vs. STL (Week 4) – Jay
35.75 – Donovan McNabb vs DET (Week 3) - Terry
35.40 – Roy Williams vs. PHI (Week 3) - Steve
35.40 – Wes Welker vs DAL (Week 6) - John
34.60 – Braylon Edwards vs. CIN (Week 2) - Rice
34.50 – TJ Houshmadhfjkahhehfdeh vs. KC (Week 6) - Joe
34.40 – MoJo Drew vs. HOU (Week 6) - Terry
33.30 - Randy Moss vs. NYJ (Week 1) – George
32.80 – Kenton Keith vs. TB (Week 5) - Joe
32.70 – Ronnie Brown vs. OAK (Week 4) - Al
32.55 – Daunte Culpepper vs. MIA (Week 4) – John
31.55 – Derek Anderson vs. MIA (Week 6) – Jay
31.20 – Tony Gonzalez vs. CIN (Week 6) - Al
31.20 – Randy Moss vs. CIN (Week 4) - George
31.15 – Brian Griese vs. MIN (Week 6) - Joe
31.10 –Steve Smith vs. ARI (Week 6) - Brad
31.00 – Andre Johnson vs. CAR (Week 2) – John
30.90 – LaMont Jordan vs. DET (Week 1) – Tom



STAR OF THE WEEK (Worth an extra star)
Yet another split star of the week… I don’t think anyone can seriously question this one though. Time to rename the Gay Rainbows “Team LTAP.”

Ladainian Tomlinson vs. OAK (48.40) – John
Adrian Peteson vs. CHI (42.30) – John



TEAM STARS LEADERS (Most Stars at end of season = Fantasy MVP)

4 Tom Brady
4 Ronnie Brown
4 Plaxico Burress
4 Randy Moss
4 Tony Romo
4 LaDainian Tomlinson

3 Antonio Gates
3 TJ Houshmanzadeh
3 Willis McGahee
3 Brian Westbrook

2 Ocho Cinco
2 Lav Coles
2 Kevin Curtis
2 Braylon Edwards
2 Edgerrin James
2 Kenton Keith
2 Jon Kitna
2 Peyton Manning
2 Terrell Owens
2 Carson Palmer
2 Ben Watson
2 Reggie Wayne
2 Jason Witten

1 Bernard Berrian
1 Anquan Boldin
1 Deion Branch
1 Dwayne Bowe
1 Reggie Bush
1 Dallas Clark
1 Chris Cooley
1 Daunte Culpepper
1 Patrick Crayton
1 Maurice Jones-Drew
1 Bobby Engram
1 Larry Fitzgerald
1 DeShaun Foster
1 Joey Galloway
1 Tony Gonzalez
1 Frank Gore
1 Todd Heap
1 Tavis Henry
1 Torry Holt
1 Santonio Holmes
1 Lamont Jordan
1 Andre Johnson
1 Larry Johnson
1 Joe Jurevicius
1 Jamal Lewis
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Adrian Peterson (MIN)
1 Ben Roethlisberger
1 Steve Smith
1 Amani Toomer
1 Javon Walker
1 Roy Williams
1 Jason Wright

TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS WEEK
Willis McGahee

TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS YEAR
3 Willis McGahee
2 Edgerrin James
2 Reggie Wayne
1 Andre Johnson
1 Frank Gore

TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS WEEK
N/A

TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS YEAR
1 LaMont Jordan


4) Zeroes (Players who started and scored no points)

Al - Anquan Boldin INJURY
John – Santana Moss INJURY
Ben – Todd Heap INJURY
Pat – Pierre Thomas
Brad – James Jones
Terry – Jason Avant

5) Almost Heroes (WRs and RBs who did not start and scored 20+ points)

John – Kevin Walter (28.00)
John – Jerrious Norwood (23.80)


6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)

Al – Samie Parker (1.80) INJURY
Jay – Michael Jenkins (4.30)
Jay – Shaun Alexander (3.50)
Jay – Mike Sellers (2.50)
Vinny – Vince Young (6.60)
Vinny – Warrick Dunn (4.80)
Ben – Ms. Chad Pennington (6.60)
Ben – Lav Coles (3.70)
Ben – Brandon Jacobs (9.80)
Pat – Gus Frerotte (10.60)
Brad – Sammy Morris (1.40) INJURY
Brad – Chris Brown (2.60) INJURY
Mike – Tavaris Jackson (10.80)
Mike – Brian Leonard (7.10)
Mike – Ahman Green (6.80)
Rice – Ladell Betts (6.10)
Terry – Marion Barber (7.90)


7) Haiku of the Week

LT, A-Pete score!
Top teams get separation
Rainbows not so gay…

8) The Office Quote of the Week

Dwight: The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, the women would bear many children. So we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter, and there weren't enough grains for vegetables... they would eat the weakest of the brood.

[laughs]

No, they didn't eat the children... It never came to that.