1) Matchups
AMBULANCE CHASERS vs. CINCINNATI BOWTIES
Ambulance Chasers win the "Ambulance Chasers Are Back! Bowl"
137.85 - 100.80
Team Stars
Chasers: Ronnie Brown (32.70)
Bowties: Willis McGahee (15.60)
I am officially back in the title run. In fact, Im excited to be at 2-2 after having such a nightmare early schedule. My running backs look great and my team looks deep all over.
I dont know how Vinny put up 100 points this week. If you look at his team, its amazing he scored that many. McGahee got the team star, but if he wasnt facing me I might have given no one on his team a team star. I didnt want it to look like I was rubbing it in... McGahee got a hundred yards, but didnt even get in the end zone. Garcia actually scored more, but Im not giving team star to a QB who scores 15 points and only passed for 176 yards and no passing TDs. K2 did pretty good, but he didnt even get in the endzone... It really is amazing he got 100 points... so many guys on his team didnt do shit this week.
THE BROWN B-RADS vs. THE SPANK IT BOYZ
The B-Rads win the "Dude, where's my running backs? Bowl"
102.55 - 78.10
Team Stars
B-Rads: Tom Brady (23.55)
Spank It: Deion Branch (20.00)
Terry, what the hell happened to your team this week? 78 points??? That's terrible. Way to get a fucking bye Brad. You better shit the bed as badly next week too, Terry.
And Brad, what the hell is with playing Maroney instead of Sammy Morris(the real number one RB in New England)? You realize the point totals determine standings and playoff seeds, right? Way to throw away 20 points like a douchebag. Arent you supposed to be defending champion? Oh, I get it, youre just planning on making a two week trade with your BFF again. You sicken me.
DONKEY PUNCHERS vs. JOHNNY GAY RAINBOWS
Punchers win the "Sideways Mohawk Forever Bowl"
149.20 - 112.35
Team Stars
Punchers: Santonio Holmes (30.80)
Rainbows: Daunte Fucking Culpepper (32.55)
Word is John talked Joe out of starting Brian Griese when the two were on a vineyard tour... the kind of vineyard tour that doesnt allow pictures, if you get my drift. Sorry you had to find out this way, Brad. Of course it didnt matter because Joe won anyway.
Question: who was the best RB in this game? Answer: Joseph "The Real LT" Addai. In other news, Marc Bulger is a corpse that is killing all Rams players fantasy value. Daunte Culpepper is a fag and this is the last good game he'll have in his career. He wouldnt have had it either if Zach Thomas (God's backup linebacker) played.
THE GOODFELLAS vs. CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM
GOODFELLAS wins the "What the fuck is Rice doing Bowl?"
105.75 - 80.10
Team Stars
Fellas: Tom Romo (37.35)
Team: Braylon Edwards (18.70)
Rice! What the fuck are you doing? Everybody take note that this doosh played Rudi Johnson and Hines Ward, who have both been out since Monday... what the fuck? Hey, he wouldnt have beat Jay anyway, but that is just pathetic.
STUMP THE SKORUPE vs. SK WARRIORS
Warriors win the "Falling back to Earth? Bowl”
104.05 – 87.20
Team Stars
Warriors: Reggie Wayne (14.80)
Stump: Ben Roethffdsakfhjdager (22.80)
I would have lost a lot of money if someone had wagered with me that this would be a big game, but it was. These two teams continue to impress despite injuries and what looks to be a lack of depth. To illustrate; the four starting RBs in this game were as follows – Brian Leonard, Maurice Morris, Ron Dayne and Julius Jones.
Also I find it funny that I called the win, voting for SK Warriors while Steve himself voted for Mike.
STRAT MEN vs. THE GY BEASTS
Strat Women win the “Get in the W Column/Kenny Watson Memorial Toilet Bowl”
112.10 – 90.75
Team Stars
Men: Lavadfkadfvjjges Coles (20.50)
Beasts: Randy (Shocker) Moss (31.20). I am shocked.
It’s a shame in many ways that either of these teams should get a win in this game. They both lost scoring about 130 last week, and now, with the eyes of the league upon them, snickering, they decide to stink up the joint.
Randy Moss continues his climb towards fantasy MVP. George had 44 points going into the Monday Night Game…
I also want to be on the record as saying George and Ben will both be in playoff contention at the end, though they probably wont make it. I don’t see either of them finishing last.
AMBULANCE CHASERS vs. CINCINNATI BOWTIESAmbulance Chasers win the "Ambulance Chasers Are Back! Bowl"
137.85 - 100.80
Team Stars
Chasers: Ronnie Brown (32.70)
Bowties: Willis McGahee (15.60)
I am officially back in the title run. In fact, Im excited to be at 2-2 after having such a nightmare early schedule. My running backs look great and my team looks deep all over.
I dont know how Vinny put up 100 points this week. If you look at his team, its amazing he scored that many. McGahee got the team star, but if he wasnt facing me I might have given no one on his team a team star. I didnt want it to look like I was rubbing it in... McGahee got a hundred yards, but didnt even get in the end zone. Garcia actually scored more, but Im not giving team star to a QB who scores 15 points and only passed for 176 yards and no passing TDs. K2 did pretty good, but he didnt even get in the endzone... It really is amazing he got 100 points... so many guys on his team didnt do shit this week.
THE BROWN B-RADS vs. THE SPANK IT BOYZ
The B-Rads win the "Dude, where's my running backs? Bowl"
102.55 - 78.10
Team Stars
B-Rads: Tom Brady (23.55)
Spank It: Deion Branch (20.00)
Terry, what the hell happened to your team this week? 78 points??? That's terrible. Way to get a fucking bye Brad. You better shit the bed as badly next week too, Terry.
And Brad, what the hell is with playing Maroney instead of Sammy Morris(the real number one RB in New England)? You realize the point totals determine standings and playoff seeds, right? Way to throw away 20 points like a douchebag. Arent you supposed to be defending champion? Oh, I get it, youre just planning on making a two week trade with your BFF again. You sicken me.
DONKEY PUNCHERS vs. JOHNNY GAY RAINBOWS
Punchers win the "Sideways Mohawk Forever Bowl"
149.20 - 112.35
Team Stars
Punchers: Santonio Holmes (30.80)
Rainbows: Daunte Fucking Culpepper (32.55)
Word is John talked Joe out of starting Brian Griese when the two were on a vineyard tour... the kind of vineyard tour that doesnt allow pictures, if you get my drift. Sorry you had to find out this way, Brad. Of course it didnt matter because Joe won anyway.
Question: who was the best RB in this game? Answer: Joseph "The Real LT" Addai. In other news, Marc Bulger is a corpse that is killing all Rams players fantasy value. Daunte Culpepper is a fag and this is the last good game he'll have in his career. He wouldnt have had it either if Zach Thomas (God's backup linebacker) played.
THE GOODFELLAS vs. CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM
GOODFELLAS wins the "What the fuck is Rice doing Bowl?"
105.75 - 80.10
Team Stars
Fellas: Tom Romo (37.35)
Team: Braylon Edwards (18.70)
Rice! What the fuck are you doing? Everybody take note that this doosh played Rudi Johnson and Hines Ward, who have both been out since Monday... what the fuck? Hey, he wouldnt have beat Jay anyway, but that is just pathetic.
STUMP THE SKORUPE vs. SK WARRIORS
Warriors win the "Falling back to Earth? Bowl”
104.05 – 87.20
Team Stars
Warriors: Reggie Wayne (14.80)
Stump: Ben Roethffdsakfhjdager (22.80)
I would have lost a lot of money if someone had wagered with me that this would be a big game, but it was. These two teams continue to impress despite injuries and what looks to be a lack of depth. To illustrate; the four starting RBs in this game were as follows – Brian Leonard, Maurice Morris, Ron Dayne and Julius Jones.
Also I find it funny that I called the win, voting for SK Warriors while Steve himself voted for Mike.
STRAT MEN vs. THE GY BEASTSStrat Women win the “Get in the W Column/Kenny Watson Memorial Toilet Bowl”
112.10 – 90.75
Team Stars
Men: Lavadfkadfvjjges Coles (20.50)
Beasts: Randy (Shocker) Moss (31.20). I am shocked.
It’s a shame in many ways that either of these teams should get a win in this game. They both lost scoring about 130 last week, and now, with the eyes of the league upon them, snickering, they decide to stink up the joint.
Randy Moss continues his climb towards fantasy MVP. George had 44 points going into the Monday Night Game…
I also want to be on the record as saying George and Ben will both be in playoff contention at the end, though they probably wont make it. I don’t see either of them finishing last.
RI COLTS vs. BAD NEWZ KENNELZ
Kennelz win the "Dwayne Bowe Memorial Bowl"
133.45 - 122.85
Team Stars
Colts: Peyton Manning (27.65)
Kennelz: Dwayne Bowe (30.40)
I thought this one was over when I left for my softball game on Sunday night... Nope. Dwayne Bowe and Larry Fitzgerald went off. The teams all get packed tighter.
Dwayne Bowe makes like 7 guys I wanted to trade for and then they blew up...
Also, Peyton Manning wins his first team star of the year... so, yeah...
2) Bets
CASALI LIQUORS CUP
Stump the Skorupe 1-0
RI Colts 1-0
Ambulance Chasers 0-0
George 0-2
AL and MIKE’s WRs
-Who has the better wideouts? Decided by total points on the year
MIKE: 186
AL: 145
AL & GEORGE TOTAL POINTS
AL: 531.70
GY: 464.60
PAT & TERRY BEST RECORD
PAT: 2-2
TERRY: 1-3
Im STILL ashamed that most of the rest of you don’t have bets. If you DO bet, let me know and it can go here so we can all mock the loser.
3) Heroes
MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
149.20 – Donkey Punchers vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows
MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
37.35 – Tony Romo – Jay*
* - NOTE: The most points would have been scored by Patrick Crayton, but George left him on his bench.
MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
123.50 – Randy Moss - GY
123.05 – Tony Romo – Jay
108.50 – Tom Brady - Brad
105.20 – T.J. Houshmadfhdsfjfdsfdfjfgjklsdjghdeh – Joe
101.90 – Ronnie Brown – Al
99.45 – Carson Palmer – Rice
98.25 – Jon Kitna – Pat
95.70 – Chad Johnson – Vinny
92.25 – Brett Favre – Jay
91.30 – Peyton Manning – Tom
MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
171.95 – Channel 4 News Team vs. Cincinnati Bowties (Week 2)
171.00 – Ambulance Chasers vs. Donkey Punchers (Week 3)
165.25 – RI Colts vs. Rookie (Week 3)
158.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. RI Colts (Week 1)
154.00 – Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. GY (Week 3)
150.10 - Cincinnati Bowties vs. Channel 4 News Team (Week 2)
149.20 – Donkey Punchers vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 4)
147.70 – RI Colts vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 1)
139.75 – Donkey Punchers vs. Ambulance Chasers (Week 3)
139.20 – SK Warriors vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 3)
MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
51.10 – Kevin Curtis vs. DET (Week 3) – John
47.10 – Ronnie Brown vs. NYJ (Week 3) – Al
45.10 – Brian Westbrook vs. DET (Week3) - Tom
45.05 – Carson Palmer vs. CLE (Week 2) - Rice
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL (Week 1) - Mike
44.10 – Anquan Boldin vs. BAL (Week 3) - Al
43.90 – Ocho Cinco vs. CLE (Week 2) - Vinny
41.30 – Steve Smith vs. HOU (Week 2) - Brad
40.35 - Tony Romo vs. NYG (Week 1) – Terry
37.35 – Tony Romo vs. STL (Week 4) – Jay
35.75 – Donovan McNabb vs DET (Week 3) - Terry
35.40 – Roy Williams vs. PHI (Week 3) - Steve
34.60 – Braylon Edwards vs. CIN (Week 2) - Rice
33.30 - Randy Moss vs. NYJ (Week 1) – George
32.70 – Ronnie Brown vs. OAK (Week 4) - Al
32.55 – Daunte Culpepper vs. MIA (Week 4) – John
31.20 – Randy Moss vs. CIN (Week 4) - George
31.00 – Andre Johnson vs. CAR (Week 2) – John
30.90 – LaMont Jordan vs. DET (Week 1) – Tom
STAR OF THE WEEK (Worth an extra star)
Tony Romo vs STL (37.35)
TEAM STARS LEADERS (Most Stars at end of season = Fantasy MVP)
4 Randy Moss
3 Tom Brady
3 Tony Romo
2 Ronnie Brown
2 Plaxico Burress
2 Ocho Cinco
2 Lav Coles
2 Kevin Curtis
2 Antonio Gates
2 TJ Houshmanzadeh
2 Edgerrin James
2 Jon Kitna
2 Terrell Owens
2 Carson Palmer
2 Reggie Wayne
2 Brian Westbrook
1 Anquan Boldin
1 Dwayne Bowe
1 Deion Branch
1 Dallas Clark
1 Daunte Culpepper
1 Braylon Edwards
1 DeShaun Foster
1 Joey Galloway
1 Frank Gore
1 Todd Heap
1 Tavis Henry
1 Santonio Holmes
1 Lamont Jordan
1 Andre Johnson
1 Joe Jurevicius
1 Jamal Lewis
1 Deion Branch
1 Dallas Clark
1 Daunte Culpepper
1 Braylon Edwards
1 DeShaun Foster
1 Joey Galloway
1 Frank Gore
1 Todd Heap
1 Tavis Henry
1 Santonio Holmes
1 Lamont Jordan
1 Andre Johnson
1 Joe Jurevicius
1 Jamal Lewis
1 Peyton Manning
1 Willis McGahee
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Ben Roethlisberger
1 Steve Smith
1 LaDainian Tomlinson
1 Javon Walker
1 Jason Witten
1 Roy Williams
TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS WEEK
Willis McGahee
Reggie Wayne
TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS YEAR
2 Edgerrin James
2 Reggie Wayne
1 Andre Johnson
1 Frank Gore
1 Willis McGahee
TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS WEEK
N/A
TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS YEAR
1 LaMont Jordan
4) Zeroes (Players who started and scored no points)
Jay – Calvin Johnson
Rice – Hines Ward
Rice – Rudi Johnson
Brad – Larry Maroney
Steve – Greg Olsen
1 Willis McGahee
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Ben Roethlisberger
1 Steve Smith
1 LaDainian Tomlinson
1 Javon Walker
1 Jason Witten
1 Roy Williams
TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS WEEKWillis McGahee
Reggie Wayne
TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS YEAR
2 Edgerrin James
2 Reggie Wayne
1 Andre Johnson
1 Frank Gore
1 Willis McGahee
TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS WEEK
N/A
TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS YEAR
1 LaMont Jordan
4) Zeroes (Players who started and scored no points)
Jay – Calvin Johnson
Rice – Hines Ward
Rice – Rudi Johnson
Brad – Larry Maroney
Steve – Greg Olsen
5) Almost Heroes (WRs and RBs who did not start and scored 20+ points)
Al – Leon Washington (20.20)
Jay – Michael Jenkins (24.40)
Jay – Jerry Porter (20.20)
George – Patrick Crayton (37.40) I considered some kind of double penalty here… then I thought… he’s suffered enough.
Brad – Sammy Morris (21.20)
6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)
Al – Isaac Bruce (3.40) INJURY
Vinny – Ruben Droughns (0.80) Give Vinny a mulligan on this one, because there was a false report he was starting earlier in the day
Jay – Marvin Harrison (1.80) INJURY
Jay – Shaun Alexander (9.30)
Rice – Thomas Jones (7.50)
George – Nate Burleson (3.00)
George – Vernand Morency (6.50)
Terry – Donovan McNabb (7.30)
Terry – Chris Chambers (4.10)
Terry – Marion Barber III (9.20)
Mike – Brian Leonard (6.90)
Mike – Maurice Morris (2.70)
Steve – Phillip Rivers (10.55)
Steve – Joey Galloway (1.70)
Steve – Ron Dayne (9.40)
Joe – Marc Bulger (5.70)
John – Kevin Curtis (4.10)
John – Drew Bennet (4.00)
Tom – Ronald Curry (2.60)
Tom – LaMont Jordan (9.10) INJURY
Pat – Caddy Williams (4.10) INJURY
Al – Leon Washington (20.20)
Jay – Michael Jenkins (24.40)
Jay – Jerry Porter (20.20)
George – Patrick Crayton (37.40) I considered some kind of double penalty here… then I thought… he’s suffered enough.
Brad – Sammy Morris (21.20)
6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)
Al – Isaac Bruce (3.40) INJURY
Vinny – Ruben Droughns (0.80) Give Vinny a mulligan on this one, because there was a false report he was starting earlier in the day
Jay – Marvin Harrison (1.80) INJURY
Jay – Shaun Alexander (9.30)
Rice – Thomas Jones (7.50)
George – Nate Burleson (3.00)
George – Vernand Morency (6.50)
Terry – Donovan McNabb (7.30)
Terry – Chris Chambers (4.10)
Terry – Marion Barber III (9.20)
Mike – Brian Leonard (6.90)
Mike – Maurice Morris (2.70)
Steve – Phillip Rivers (10.55)
Steve – Joey Galloway (1.70)
Steve – Ron Dayne (9.40)
Joe – Marc Bulger (5.70)
John – Kevin Curtis (4.10)
John – Drew Bennet (4.00)
Tom – Ronald Curry (2.60)
Tom – LaMont Jordan (9.10) INJURY
Pat – Caddy Williams (4.10) INJURY
7) Haiku of the Week
Tony Romo woah
Ronnie Brown runs wild again
Up to five hundred!
8) The Office Quote of the Week
Dwight: Very good. You have earned one Schrute buck.
Stanley: I don't want it.
Dwight: Then you have been deducted 50 Schrute bucks.
Stanley: Make it a hundred.
Dwight: Wh...don't you wanna earn Schrute bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
2 comments:
Disclaimer: Schrute Bucks are only a motivational tool to be awarded by the Assistant Regional Manager.
Dont you mean Assistant TO the Regional Manager?
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