1) Matchups
JOHNNY GAY RAINBOWS vs. AMBULANCE CHASERS
Gay Rainbows win the “Doesn’t matter because your ass got eliminated from baseball playoffs bowl”
134.65 – 117.35
Team Stars
Rainbows: Andre Johnson vs. CAR (31.00)
Chasers: Edgerrin James (23.00)
John manages to beat me despite a respectable point total. Its good to have LT, people, let me tell you. Even if he doesn’t do a whole lot… you know, because the other team is recording the coaches calling plays. I tip my cap to Rossi, move on to another tough matchup in Week 3 and remember that the toughest part of my schedule is almost over. John is going to be awfully tough to beat this year, people. Of course, every team is paper thin this year and fantasy football is a war of attrition.
For the second week in a row Al loses to a team that got eliminated in fantasy baseball… weird. Even more weird is that the team I play in the World Series is the same team I’m facing in Football this week - The Donkey Fuckers. I don’t know if this is excellent news for my baseball team or terrible news for my football team… or both.
Oh and John, at least fantasy Pronk is golfing this week, bitch. Fantasy golfing…
JOHNNY GAY RAINBOWS vs. AMBULANCE CHASERS
Gay Rainbows win the “Doesn’t matter because your ass got eliminated from baseball playoffs bowl”
134.65 – 117.35
Team Stars
Rainbows: Andre Johnson vs. CAR (31.00)
Chasers: Edgerrin James (23.00)
John manages to beat me despite a respectable point total. Its good to have LT, people, let me tell you. Even if he doesn’t do a whole lot… you know, because the other team is recording the coaches calling plays. I tip my cap to Rossi, move on to another tough matchup in Week 3 and remember that the toughest part of my schedule is almost over. John is going to be awfully tough to beat this year, people. Of course, every team is paper thin this year and fantasy football is a war of attrition.
For the second week in a row Al loses to a team that got eliminated in fantasy baseball… weird. Even more weird is that the team I play in the World Series is the same team I’m facing in Football this week - The Donkey Fuckers. I don’t know if this is excellent news for my baseball team or terrible news for my football team… or both.
Oh and John, at least fantasy Pronk is golfing this week, bitch. Fantasy golfing…
BROWN B-RADS vs. DONKEY PUNCHERS
Brown B-Rads win “The Halfrican Cup”
131.15 – 125.50
Team Stars
B-Rads: Steve Smith vs. HOU (41.30)
DPers: TJ Whosoyomomma vs. CLE (26.90)
Steve Smith, people. Steve Smith. The gaudy point total doesn’t even tell you all you need to know. He actually broke many tackles and turned a short reception into a very long touchdown. Smith’s 40 points was easily the difference in this one, which Brad won by less than 6 points. Brad actually got two “almost zeroes” from his RBs too. Ouch.
SPANK IT BOYZ vs. SK WARRIORS
SK Warriors win the “All WR Bowl”
127.90 – 113.00
Team Stars
Boyz: Joe Jurevicius vs. CIN (20.40)
Warriors: Joey Galloway vs. NO (29.50)
I don’t care to figure out the percentages, but the WRs were the only players who scored anything on either team. Only three non – WRs scored double digits. It was a pretty absurd game. Just look at the team stars… what is that? What year is this?
GOODFELLAS vs. BAD NEWZ KENNELS
GOODFELLAS wins the “Please turn off your ‘Caps Lock’ Bowl”
138.35 – 96.15
Team Stars
Henry Hill: Jamal Lewis vs. CLE (27.50)
Kelly Leak: Frank Gore vs. STL (22.50)
And there you have it. Pat Sweeney, tough luck loser last year despite decent point totals is now the first team this year to score less than 100 points. Painful. Jay would have beat him anyway, but still… Good week for Jay to have two players in an NFL game in which the teams score almost 100 points combined.
CINCINNATI BOWTIES vs. CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAMMaryland at College Park beats Loyola in the “Maryland Colleges Shootout”
171.95 – 150.10
Team Stars
Bowties: Ocho Cinco vs. CLE (43.90)
Channel 4: Carson Palmer vs. CLE (45.05)
Yikes. Speaking as someone who lost an equally nasty high scoring affair to Rice last year, I feel for you Vinny. These always suck. You score 150 points, your best WR goes for 45… and you lose anyway. Worse, the player you have that is going off this week is being thrown to by your opponent’s QB… ugh.
STUMP THE SKORUPE vs. ROOKIE
Stump the Skorupa wins the “Time to get new team names Bowl”
107.70 – 101.30
Team Stars
Stump: TO vs. MIA (21.20)
Ben: Todd Heap vs. NYJ (20.60)
No, seriously guys. Change your team names. I guess Mike’s will make more sense when I win two more baseball titles. Then when someone asks him he can say the guy he named his team for has won 4 of the last 6 leagues we played in(and is probably going to win football this year too – miraculous comeback – you heard it here first!). Ben, seriously, come up with a new name for chrissakes. Shouldn’t it at least be “The Rookies” or something?
What a thoroughly boring game this was. Lots of players scored in the teens, both teams scored just above 100 points. Only two guys broke 20 points, one on each team. Yawn. Mediocrity/Parity at its best/worst.
Seriously though Ben, you have one week to come up with a new name.
RI COLTS vs. THE G(A)Y
RI Colts win the “Tuesday Nights at the Liquor Store Bowl”
136.70 – 130.70
Team Stars
RI Colts: Brian Westbrook vs. WAS (24.20)
The G(a)Y: Randy Moss vs. SD (30.50)
Tom gets his first win in Casali Liquors Cup competition and Gyorgy falls to the brink of elimination. Close game that came down to RBs on MNF. My money was on Westbrook and he came through. Actually my money was on Philly and the under and Philly fucked me. Two Brad colored QBs… I figured the under was a lock. Ummm… Randy Moss looks unstoppable, not that he was facing a tough secondary this week.
2) Bets
CASALI LIQUORS CUP
Stump the Skorupe 1-0
RI Colts 1-0
Ambulance Chasers 0-0
George 0-2
3) Heroes
MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
171.95 – Channel 4 News Team vs. Cincinnati Bowties (RECORD)
MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
45.05 – Carson Palmer vs. CLE – Rice (RECORD)
MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
66.30 – Steve Smith – Brad
64.60 – Ocho Cinco – Vinny
63.80 – Randy Moss – GY
62.75 - Carson Palmer – Rice
61.25 – Tony Romo – Jay
58.20 – Andre Johnson – John
53.40 – Tom Brady – Brad
51.90 - Jake Delhomme – Joe
51.60 - Plaxico Burress – Mike
47.60 – Jon Kitna - Pat
MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
171.95 – Channel 4 News Team vs. Cincinnati Bowties
158.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. RI Colts (Week 1)
150.10 - Cincinnati Bowties vs. Channel 4 News Team
147.70 – RI Colts vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 1)
138.95 – Stump the Skorupe vs. GY (Week 1)
MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
45.05 – Carson Palmer vs. CLE (Week 2)- Rice
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL (Week 1)- Mike
43.90 – Ocho Cinco vs. CLE (Week 2) - Vinny
41.30 – Steve Smith vs. HOU (Week 2) - Brad
40.35 - Tony Romo vs. NYG (Week 1) – Terry
34.60 – Braylon Edwards vs. CIN (Week 2) - Rice
33.30 - Randy Moss vs. NYJ (Week 1) – George
31.00 – Andre Johnson vs. CAR (Week 2) – John
30.90 – LaMont Jordan vs. DET (Week 1) – Tom
30.50 – Reggie Wayne vs. NO (Week 1) – Steve
30.50 – Randy Moss vs. SD (Week 2) - GY
STAR OF THE WEEK (Worth an extra star)
Carson Palmer vs. CLE (45.05) - Rice
TEAM STARS LEADERS (Most Stars at end of season = Fantasy MVP)
2 Carson Palmer
2 Plaxico Burress
2 Edgerrin James
2 Randy Moss
1 Tony Romo
1 Lav Coles
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Javon Walker
1 Tom Brady
1 Jason Witten
1 Antonio Gates
1 Jon Kitna
1 Tavis Henry
1 LaDainian Tomlinson
1 Lamont Jordan
1 Andre Johnson
1 Steve Smith
1 TJ Houshmanzadeh
1 Ocho Cinco
1 Joe Jurevicius
1 Joey Galloway
1 Jamal Lewis
1 Frank Gore
1 Terrell Owens
1 Todd Heap
1 Brian Westbrook
TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS WEEK
Andre Johnson
Edgerrin James
Frank Gore
TEAM STARS FROM THE U THIS YEAR
2 Edgerrin James
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Andre Johnson
1 Frank Gore
TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS WEEK
N/A
TEAM STARS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND THIS YEAR
1 LaMont Jordan
4) Zeroes (Players who started and scored no points)
Pat – Devery Henderson
GY – Patrick Crayton (Dolphins, baby)
5) Almost Heroes (WRs and RBs who did not start and scored 20+ points)
Terry – Marion Barber III (Wow… so I guess everyone is getting really good at fantasy football… this kind of sucks.)
6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)
Al – Lee Evans
Al – Brandon Jackson
John – LaDainian Tomlinson (Yes, it kills me to lose to Rossi in a week where LT has a bad start… please remember the Rainbows still put up 134 points…)
Brad – Larry Maroney
Brad – Marshawn Lynch
Vinny – Tatum Bell
Rice – Mark Clayton
Rice – Ladell Betts
Terry – Donovan McNabb
Terry – MJD
Steve – Alex Smith
Steve – Julius Jones
Jay – Michael Jenkins (Please stop starting him)
Ben – Rex Grossman (Had to play him due to a Chad Pennington injury. I would slit my wrists if I had to play these two QBs all year. That’s a nightmare. Chad would do fine scoring wise and was actually a bit of a value where Ben took him, but jeez… Looking each week and having to decide whether to start Grossman or Pennington… just threw up in my mouth)
Ben - Reggie Brown
Ben - DeShaun Foster
7) Haiku of the Week
Browns and Bengals, Wow!
How did I lose Survivor
on such a crap-fest?
That’s right folks… poetry using the word “crap-fest”… what other fantasy sports team website gives you that?
8) "The Office" Quote of the Week
Dwight Schrute: "Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years... which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique; it's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of 4 until my 6th birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna."
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