1) Matchups
BROWN B-RADS vs. AMBULANCE CHASERS
The Dirty Puerto Ricans win the “Puerto Rico Sucks Bowl”
130.75 – 106.10
Team Stars
B-Rads: Tom Brady vs. NYJ (27.25)
Chasers: Edgerrin James (19.20)
Brad is a cheater and you all know it. Hasselbeck sucked, My kicker was lost for the year during pregame stretches, Lee Evans had Champ Bailey so tight you could see his nipples through him. I guess Brad needed the victory considering his poor excuse for a baseball team getting sent home for the season this week. Seriously, though, the reason I lost is simple. I played this idiot and “Team Patriots” in a week when the douchebag Patriots had to steal signals and drop 38 fucking points on the J-E-T-S-S-U-C-K-S.
At least fantasy Vlad is golfing this week, bitch. Fantasy golfing…
BROWN B-RADS vs. AMBULANCE CHASERS
The Dirty Puerto Ricans win the “Puerto Rico Sucks Bowl”
130.75 – 106.10
Team Stars
B-Rads: Tom Brady vs. NYJ (27.25)
Chasers: Edgerrin James (19.20)
Brad is a cheater and you all know it. Hasselbeck sucked, My kicker was lost for the year during pregame stretches, Lee Evans had Champ Bailey so tight you could see his nipples through him. I guess Brad needed the victory considering his poor excuse for a baseball team getting sent home for the season this week. Seriously, though, the reason I lost is simple. I played this idiot and “Team Patriots” in a week when the douchebag Patriots had to steal signals and drop 38 fucking points on the J-E-T-S-S-U-C-K-S.
At least fantasy Vlad is golfing this week, bitch. Fantasy golfing…
CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM vs. DONKEY PUNCHERS
DPers wins the “Afternoon Delight Bowl”
129.85 – 104.80
Team Stars
DPers: Jason Witten vs. NYG (23.60)
I’m Ron Burgundy?: Antonio Gates vs. CHI (25.70)
The two TEs in this game each exceeded 23 points… what the fuck is that? It will take me like three more weeks for my TE to exceed that total for the season… and I have a top 3 TE(Tony G). I see my fantasy knowledge has been absorbed by Joe. Apparently he’s picked up enough from just hanging around me to beat Rice so badly he has detached retinas. Well done, grasshopper. Also, this disproves my theory that fantasy knowledge may only be gained by eating the brains of your opponent. My apologies to the families of my victims.
SK WARRIORS vs. CINCINNATI BOWTIES
BOWTIES wins the “Andy Bernard Bowl” (Strange new guy… get it?)
109.40 – 100.50
Team Stars
SK Warriors: Reggie Wayne vs. NO (30.50)
Bowties: Javon Walker vs. BUF (20.90)
Welcome to the league, rook. Typically you won’t win scoring only 100 points, so you really have nothing to bitch about here. Also, its usually not good if both of your RBs and your QB qualify for the “Almost Zeroes” column.
POOR MICHAEL VICK REFERENCE vs. SPANK IT BOYZ
Sweeney wins the “World Poker Tour Toilet Bowl”
104.65 – 100.40
Team StarsPat: Jon Kitna vs. OAK (28.15)
Spank it: Travis Henry vs. BUF (21.30)
Its great when you can look down and see at least one game where you could have beaten either pathetic team. There should be a rule that unless you score 105 both teams should get a loss.
ROOKIE vs. THE GOODFELLAS
GOODFELLAS Win the “Ben loses his Virginity Bowl”
135.45 – 113.45
Team Stars
Goodfellas: Tony Romo vs. NYG (40.35)
Rookie: Lav Coles vs. NE (24.90)
Ben breaks his cherry and Brandon Jacobs breaks his MCL(okay sprains, but whatever). Jay takes advantage of an insane performance by Tony Romo that was essentially the difference here. In other news, Jamal Lewis is terrible.
GEORGE’S MOM IS HOT vs. STUMP THE SKORUPE
Stump wins the “Liquor Store Bowl I”
138.95 – 109.20
Team Stars
Stump: Plaxico Burress vs. DAL (40.40)
GY: Randy Moss vs. NYJ (33.30)
Mike gets redemption for all those Giants players screwing him last year. Mike is the only team to get a win in Casali Liquors Cup Competition and quickly jumps into 1st place. Must be nice to get 40 points from your WR2.
JOHNNY GAY RAINBOWS vs. RI COLTS
Rainbows win the “4 OT Basketball Game Score Bowl”
158.15 – 147.70
Team Stars
Gays: LT vs. CHI (25.45)
RI Colts: LaMont Jordan vs. DET (30.90)
Ok, what wins fantasy football games? RBs. What did the 4 running backs do in this game? 19.10; 30.90; 25.45; and 23.30. Sick. Strangely enough the difference in this game was really that John’s defense dropped 34 points. Ironically, Tom is the one who has Da Bears. Weird game. Too early in the season to really appreciate what a mess this one was.
2) Bets
CASALI LIQUORS CUP
Stump the Skorupe 1-0
RI Colts 0-0
Ambulance Chasers 0-0
George 0-1
3) Heroes
MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
158.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. RI Colts
MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL - Mike
MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL - Mike
40.35 - Tony Romo vs. NYG (Week 1) – Terry
33.30 - Randy Moss vs. NYJ (Week 1) – George
30.90 – LaMont Jordan vs. DET (Week 1) – Tom
30.50 – Reggie Wayne vs. NO (Week 1) - Steve
MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
158.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. RI Colts (Week 1)
147.70 – RI Colts vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 1)
138.95 – Stump the Skorupe vs. GY (Week 1)
134.45 – Goodfellas vs. Rookie (Week 1)
130.75 – Brown B-Rads (Week 1)
MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL (Week 1)- Mike
40.35 - Tony Romo vs. NYG (Week 1) – Terry
33.30 - Randy Moss vs. NYJ (Week 1) – George
30.90 – LaMont Jordan vs. DET (Week 1) – Tom
30.50 – Reggie Wayne vs. NO (Week 1) - Steve
STAR OF THE WEEK (Worth an extra star)
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL - Mike
STARS LEADERS (Most Stars at end of season = Fantasy MVP)
2 Plaxico Burress
1 Tony Romo
1 Lav Coles
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Javon Walker
1 Tom Brady
1 Edgerrin James
1 Jason Witten
1 Antonio Gates
1 Jon Kitna
1 Tavis Henry
1 Randy Moss
1 LaDainian Tomlinson
1 LaMont Jordan
TEAM STARS FROM THE U
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Edgerrin James
TEAM STARS FROM THE
MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
158.15 - Johnny Gay Rainbows vs. RI Colts (Week 1)
147.70 – RI Colts vs. Johnny Gay Rainbows (Week 1)
138.95 – Stump the Skorupe vs. GY (Week 1)
134.45 – Goodfellas vs. Rookie (Week 1)
130.75 – Brown B-Rads (Week 1)
MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL (Week 1)- Mike
40.35 - Tony Romo vs. NYG (Week 1) – Terry
33.30 - Randy Moss vs. NYJ (Week 1) – George
30.90 – LaMont Jordan vs. DET (Week 1) – Tom
30.50 – Reggie Wayne vs. NO (Week 1) - Steve
STAR OF THE WEEK (Worth an extra star)
44.40 - Plaxico Burress vs. DAL - Mike
STARS LEADERS (Most Stars at end of season = Fantasy MVP)
2 Plaxico Burress
1 Tony Romo
1 Lav Coles
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Javon Walker
1 Tom Brady
1 Edgerrin James
1 Jason Witten
1 Antonio Gates
1 Jon Kitna
1 Tavis Henry
1 Randy Moss
1 LaDainian Tomlinson
1 LaMont Jordan
TEAM STARS FROM THE U1 Reggie Wayne
1 Edgerrin James
TEAM STARS FROM THE
UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND
1 LaMont Jordan
4) Zeroes (Players who started and scored no points)
Vinny – WR Matt Jones vs. TEN
Rice – WR Michael Clayton vs. BAL (I’ll admit, I double checked to make sure this wasn’t Mark Clayton… it wasn’t)
Terry – WR Deion Branch vs. TB (Where the hell did this come from? DJ Hackett was hurt too. I don’t get it)
5) Almost Heroes (Players who did not start and scored 20+ points)
Jay – QB Jay Cutler vs. BUF: 21.00
Vinny – WR Antwaan Randle-El vs. MIA: 21.20
Al – QB Elijah Manning vs. DAL: 31.80
Joe – QB Jake Delhomme vs. STL: 23.25
Tom – RB Derrick Ward vs. DAL: 21.60 (INJURY)
6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points - Less than 15 for QB, 10 for RB, 5 for WR)
Al – WR Lee Evans vs. BUF: 2.50 (Thanks Champ Bailey)
Brad – WR Donte Stallworth vs. NYJ: 2.90 (How can he be starting this guy?)
Brad – RB Larry Maroney vs. NYJ: 7.20 (This is the best he could do when his team scored 38??)
Vinny – QB Vince Young vs. JAX: 12.10
Steve - QB Phillips Rivers vs. CHI: 9.50
Steve - RB Reggie Bush vs. IND: 8.5o
Steve - RB Julius Jones vs. NYG: 8.70
Jay - WR Michael Jenkins vs. MIN: 3.30
Jay - RB Jamal Lewis vs. PIT: 6.60
Ben – WR Reggie Brown vs. GB: 2.40
Ben – RB Brandon Jacobs vs. DAL: 2.60 (INJURY)
Joe – RB Duece McAllister vs. IND: 6.50 (Played him over Benson, who also sucked)
Rice – RB Thomas Jones vs. NE: 5.80
Terry – WR Joe Jurevicius vs. PIT: 4.80
Terry – RB MJD vs. TEN: 9.00
Pat – WR DJ Hackett vs. TB: 1.70 (INJURY)
Pat – RB Cadillac Williams vs. SEA: 9.40 (INJURY)
Mike – WR Eddie Kennison vs. HOU: 0.50 (He actually got these points from RUSHING 5 yards… pathetic.)
Mike – RB Steven Jackson vs. CAR: 7.10 (Steven Jackson gets 7 points and his WR3 gets 0.05 and he still dropped nearly 140.)
GY – QB Drew Brees vs. IND: 11.20 (He singlehandedly killed the fantasy value of every Saints player this week. I blame the mole.)
John - QB Matt Leinart vs. SF: 12.60
7) Haiku of the Week
Plaxico goes off
Lots of early injuries
The fourteenth pick sucks
8) The Office Quote of the Week
Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy - both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Vinny – WR Matt Jones vs. TEN
Rice – WR Michael Clayton vs. BAL (I’ll admit, I double checked to make sure this wasn’t Mark Clayton… it wasn’t)
Terry – WR Deion Branch vs. TB (Where the hell did this come from? DJ Hackett was hurt too. I don’t get it)
5) Almost Heroes (Players who did not start and scored 20+ points)
Jay – QB Jay Cutler vs. BUF: 21.00
Vinny – WR Antwaan Randle-El vs. MIA: 21.20
Al – QB Elijah Manning vs. DAL: 31.80
Joe – QB Jake Delhomme vs. STL: 23.25
Tom – RB Derrick Ward vs. DAL: 21.60 (INJURY)
6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points - Less than 15 for QB, 10 for RB, 5 for WR)
Al – WR Lee Evans vs. BUF: 2.50 (Thanks Champ Bailey)
Brad – WR Donte Stallworth vs. NYJ: 2.90 (How can he be starting this guy?)
Brad – RB Larry Maroney vs. NYJ: 7.20 (This is the best he could do when his team scored 38??)
Vinny – QB Vince Young vs. JAX: 12.10
Steve - QB Phillips Rivers vs. CHI: 9.50
Steve - RB Reggie Bush vs. IND: 8.5o
Steve - RB Julius Jones vs. NYG: 8.70
Jay - WR Michael Jenkins vs. MIN: 3.30
Jay - RB Jamal Lewis vs. PIT: 6.60
Ben – WR Reggie Brown vs. GB: 2.40
Ben – RB Brandon Jacobs vs. DAL: 2.60 (INJURY)
Joe – RB Duece McAllister vs. IND: 6.50 (Played him over Benson, who also sucked)
Rice – RB Thomas Jones vs. NE: 5.80
Terry – WR Joe Jurevicius vs. PIT: 4.80
Terry – RB MJD vs. TEN: 9.00
Pat – WR DJ Hackett vs. TB: 1.70 (INJURY)
Pat – RB Cadillac Williams vs. SEA: 9.40 (INJURY)
Mike – WR Eddie Kennison vs. HOU: 0.50 (He actually got these points from RUSHING 5 yards… pathetic.)
Mike – RB Steven Jackson vs. CAR: 7.10 (Steven Jackson gets 7 points and his WR3 gets 0.05 and he still dropped nearly 140.)
GY – QB Drew Brees vs. IND: 11.20 (He singlehandedly killed the fantasy value of every Saints player this week. I blame the mole.)
John - QB Matt Leinart vs. SF: 12.60
7) Haiku of the Week
Plaxico goes off
Lots of early injuries
The fourteenth pick sucks
8) The Office Quote of the Week
Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy - both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
2 comments:
I hate Al... and I kicked his ass!!! (Loser) Also where is The Brown B-rads shoutout for being the only Fantasy football team with a 4 game win streak!
Congratulations. Its nothing short of amazing that youve been able to overcome such adversity(READ: brown skinned and retarded). Youre truly an inspiration to Special Olympians everywhere.
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